Family Therapy-Cullen Style: kap 13-17

Flexible

Dr Dover POV

“Um, thank you Stephenie for your help. Can I see you in the hallway please. I will be right back.” I mumbled to the Cullen’s as I dragged Stephenie from the room

“What on Earth was that?” I screeched into her ear. “Did you take you medication today Stephenie??DID you?” I glared at her and her face sank. I knew the answer before she said it.

“I’m sorry doctor, I fell asleep and forgot. I didn’t mean to …how was I suppose to know you were going to have me go in there…with all of them, and no shirts,…that was not very nice given my condition.” Stephenie shot back.

“Just stay out here and take your meds. I have to go do some damage control…you do realize you fondled Dr. Cullen in my office, right?” I gasped. Stephenie just hung her head and nodded.

“Sorry Dr. Dover…I am a bad, non compliant patient. I will take my meds and sit quietly.”

“Good, now I have to get back in there…”

BPOV

“What the heck was that all about?” Rosalie hissed as Dr. Dover walked out of the room. She rushed over to Emmett and helped him get his shirt back on and gave him a supportive hug.

Esme and Carlisle were huddled in the corner, he was still trying to settle her down as he put his shirt back on. All eyes were on them. None of us had ever seen that kind of reaction from Esme before. I saw them embrace, and come back toward the table.

I glanced at Alice and Rose, who both had the same grin on their faces that I did. I pushed back my chair, stood up and began applauding Esme. Alice and Rose joined in and whistled furiously.

“Good one mom!”

“You showed her and remind me to never get you mad…”

Esme smiled briefly and then composed herself. “Girls, I am not proud of my actions. I threatened someones life just now…even if she did deserve it.” We all started laughing again at Esme’s reaction to Stephenie.

“Well I still say it was fixed! I was robbed. You weren’t even in the dream Carlisle!” Emmett whined from his seat at the table.

“Oh come on Emmett, try and have a sense of humor about it, you lost a best chest contest to your nearly 400 year old dad…no big deal.” Alice teased as she sat on Jasper’s lap, gently rubbing his back to help get his emotions back under control.

“You heard Dr. Dover, the issue is closed for discussion Emmett. Leave it at that.” Carlisle commanded.

Edward had been very quiet while he was sitting next to me. I turned to see him pinching the bridge of his nose, his sign of utter frustration. “What’s wrong Edward are you alright? I’m sorry I had you participate in that stupid contest with that vile woman. I wonder if she is any relation to Mike Newton…” My joke made him smile at least.

“I’m fine, you just have no idea what was going through her head…it was …illegal at best. I’m just glad it’s over. Carlisle can we get out of here please?” Edward pleaded with his father. Even I had to admit, this therapy thing was turning into a disaster.

“Listen, let’s just try and make it through this session and then we will discuss it as a family at home. OK? Can you all hang in there a bit longer?” Carlisle asked. His hand was tightly clutching Esme’s, not wanting to be apart from her in any way.

A chorus of “Fine” and “Whatever you say” echoed in the room. Finally Dr. Dover stumbled back into the room.

“Sorry for the delay. I had to take care of something.” he muttered as he sat back down. “I want to apologize for what just happened, things did not go the way I had hoped they would. Stephenie is a wonderful person, but she does have a few… issues, and she forgot to take her medication. Unfortunately, when she forgets, she has trouble with …impulse control…she is mortified at her behavior, as am I. Is it possible to forget what happened and move forward to our couples sessions?”

Everyone’s eyes were on Carlisle, he alone would decide if we went on, or if we went home. Personally, I prayed for the later, but as usual I was wrong.

“Of course doctor. Therapy isn’t an exact science I know that, mistakes are made, but we must move forward, right children?” Carlisle looked at all of us and smiled. We nodded our heads in agreement and Dr. Dover sighed in relief.

“Thank you all very much! In looking through my notes, I’ve decided that I would like to do a few quick couples sessions if that would be alright?” Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. I for one, was not leaving Edward’s side the rest of the day. I moved closer to him and he squeezed my hand reassuringly.

“I think I would like to speak with Esme and Carlisle first off, is that alright? The rest of you can wait…well, how about you all go down to the cafeteria. I will speak with Rose and Emmett next, so why don’t you two just come back up here in about fifteen minutes?” He didn’t have to ask twice. We all jumped out of our chairs and headed out the door.

In the waiting room, Stephenie was no where to be seen, which was good, because if she had made even a sideways glance at any of the boys I think she would have been in serious trouble. We threw open the office door and headed to the safety of the cafeteria.

“So what do you think he is going to ask Carlisle and Esme about?” I asked Edward quietly.

“He’s asking them for all the ‘dirt’ on us if you will.”

“Great. That could take a while…” I mumbled.

CPOV

“OK, Let’s get started.” Dr. Dover said nervously as he sat across his desk from Esme and I.

“What would you like to know doctor?” Esme asked calmly. I know she was still very much on edge after the whole Stephenie incident, but she was hiding it well.

“Well I have some notes here about the children and their significant others and I just want some of your observations. Let’s start with Emmett and Rosalie. What can you tell me about them?”

“Well, they are very much in love. Rosalie has loved him since the moment she first saw him.” I began, but Dr. Dover interrupted,.

“How exactly did they meet? Rosalie was living with you already?”

“Yes, she was living with us and she had gone on a hike and came across Emmett. He was injured, and brought him to me so I could tend to his injuries.”

“And what happened to his family?”

Esme jumped in “They were unable to care for him any more, so we adopted him.” Dr. Dover scribbled furiously in his notebook.

“I’m sorry if this question is a difficult one, but how did you feel when they started having a …a sexual relationship? How did you find out?” He stammered.

I took a deep breath and planned my answer in my head. “I know I mentioned this earlier, but we have no secretes in our home, truly, none. So we have always been able to openly discuss things. It was apparent from the beginning how much they loved each other. As for the sexual relationship, let’s just say Emmett and Rosalie are the most physical of our children …so when they became physical, the whole house knew about it.” Esme chuckled slightly next to me. I looked up at the doctor who was momentarily stunned by my comment, and then went back to writing.

“Does the physical nature of their relationship ever cause trouble within the household? I can’t imagine it is easy to be around for that…” Dr. Dover looked like he was going to start sweating.

“Over the years we have learned to …get out of their way…if that makes any sense. That and we always beep the horn before we open the garage door.” Dr. Dover looked puzzled, so I clarified “They have a thing for being romantic in cars…” Dr. Dover’s mouth opened slightly as he realized what I was saying. This may do it, he looks close to passing out…nope he recovered. Nicely done Doctor. I laughed to myself.

“OK, lets move onto Alice and Jasper. What can you tell me about them?” the doctor flipped to a new page.

Esme decided to expand on their relationship, which was must less embarrassing to explain than Rosalie and Emmett. “Again, they loved each other from the minute they met of course Alice claims she loved him before they met. Their love is a much more private one, that’s the best way I can explain it.” She was beautiful when she spoke about the children. I could feel the love she had for them.

“Alice mentioned that she told Jasper he was going to fall in love with her and then he did. Is that true?” The doctor asked sceptically.

“That is what they have told us, yes.”

“Does Alice always tell Jasper what to do like that? Would you say she is controlling?” Dr. Dover asked with his pencil poised for the answer. I was taken by surprise at the questions as was Esme from the look on her face.

“I would say of the two, Alice has the more outgoing personality, where as Jasper is much more reserved. But just because you hear Alice talking more, I don’t think you should assume she is the only one making the decisions in their relationship, she is just the more vocal one. They are opposites in many ways, but they compliment each other beautifully.” I could tell Esme was starting to get a little defensive. She sat on the edge of her chair and leaned toward the doctor’s desk. Like a mother lion, protecting her cubs, I thought in my head and found myself smiling.

“And you said they have a more private relationship, so would you say they are the opposite of Emmett and Rosalie in the way they express their love?”

“Yes, but no. You can walk in and Alice and Jasper can be sitting on the couch just looking at each other but you feel like you have just interrupted a very private moment. At times it seems just as bad as walking into the garage unannounced, wouldn’t you say Carlisle?”

“Most definitely.” I replied. Alice and Jasper are very connected. So much so, that a glance between them conveys as much emotion as one of Emmett and Rosalie’s romps. Jasper’s gift doesn’t help things either. Their emotions are palpable when you walk into the room.

“And now to the couple I sense is the most complex, Edward and Bella…” Dr Dover again, started a fresh sheet and waited for one of us to begin. I looked at Esme, who seemed upset about something Dr. Dover had said. “Why would you say that about Edward and Bella, that they were the most complex?”

Uh, Oh…she’s not happy. If he jumps all over Edward again, she may just rip his arm off …

“I just mean that it seems like Edward has issues with trying to control, Bella seems to have some issues with boundaries and together they are …” Esme didn’t let him finish.

“Edward and Bella are a perfect match. She has brought my son to life in the short time they have been together. Edward never truly lived until he met Bella. Sure, their love has some, complications, but their love is also the newest.” The doctor took a few notes and waited for her to continue.

“They have overcome so many things to be together. Their love has been tested from the second they met. Edward is prone to overreaction, everyone knows that, but it is because he is truly terrified of losing Bella, she is the reason he breathes. And in his defense, we do lovingly call Bella our ‘danger magnet’ because the child attracts danger of all kinds, just pull up her hospital records… so his fear isn’t unsubstantiated.”

I gently took her hand in mine to help calm her back down. The doctor had been surprised by her tone.

I added,“It also doesn’t help their situation that his siblings tease him about his relationship with Bella. It aggravates him to no end. Esme has lost many coffee tables to wrestling matches that broke out after an inappropriate comment from Emmett or Jasper.” Esme nodded in agreement.

There was a tap and Stephenie stuck her head in tho door. I felt Esme tense up next to me and she hissed a string of obscenities at her under her breath. I couldn’t help but find her possessive behavior…sexy. Maybe that’s why Bella can’t keep her hands off Edward, I thought.

“Dr. Dover, Emmett and Rosalie are out in the waiting room whenever you are ready for them.” she said quickly, then slipped out the door.

“Well thank you for being so open about the relationships in your family. I will try and be brief with the children, I just have a few questions for them about their relationships. Can you let Alice and Jasper know that they will be after Emmett and Rosalie? Have them give me about fifteen minutes.”

I stood up and shook Dr. Dover’s hand. Esme did as well and then she took my hand in hers and we headed out into the waiting room. Emmett jumped out of his chair and ran into the office, Rosalie rolled her eyes and took her time placing her nail file back in her purse before following him into the office, slowly even by human standards.

Esme let go of my hand and strolled across the room. Stephenie jumped when she looked up from her desk to see Esme standing over her. “Mrs. Cullen…” she mumbled. Esme held out her hand to stop her from speaking.

“Please let me speak Stephenie, I am so sorry I grabbed you earlier,. It was horrible behavior on my part and I am truly sorry for being so unpleasant. Can you forgive me?”

“For…forgive you? No! I mean yes, but please can you forgive me? You must think I am a perverted lunatic” Stephenie stammered Well yes, that is exactly what we think …

“I fell asleep…and I didn’t take my medication…it was all my fault. I am so humiliated at my behavior…that is why Dr. Dover is treating me.” She broke down and started crying. With compassion beyond anyone I have ever met, Esme began gently patting her on the back.

“It’s OK Stephenie, it was a mistake, just take your meds so this doesn’t happen again OK?” Esme looked sweetly down at her and smiled.

I walked over to Esme and took her hand to lead her down toward the cafeteria. When the office door closed behind us, I leaned over and kissed her beautiful lips. “You never cease to amaze me Esme.”

She sweetly smiled and placed her hand lovingly on my face “Thank you dear. Oh and by the way… if you ever step foot near this office without me, I will redecorate your office in bubblegum pink and powder blue. Do we understand each other?”

“Yes dear.” I mumbled as we entered the elevator.

RPOV

Fifteen minutes of my life about to be wasted. I thought as I walked into Dr. Dover’s office. Emmett had already flung himself on the couch, and was grinning. He’s getting way into this whole therapy thing. I thought to myself.

“Emmett get off the couch. You look like a mental patient.”

“Aren’t we? Mental patients that is?” He was so cute when he was confused. He looked slyly at me and patted his hand on the leather couch next to him.

“Not on your life Emmett, you still have, wow, less than an hour now Emmett!” I was actually quite proud of him for lasting this long considering how everyone was taking great joy in tormenting my dear husband. He had a small pout on his face at my rejection, but Dr. Dover interrupted our banter.

“Thank you both for joining me. I spoke with your parents about your relationship..” Uh- Oh

Emmett interrupted “We really aren’t nearly as bad as they said! I promise…I mean all those times they caught us were just accidents…the thing with the swing, totally made up I swear…well, wait. What exactly did they tell you?” Stupid Emmett. Find out what they said before you go blabbing we got caught! Have I taught him nothing?

“What Emmett is trying to say doctor, is that in our family, we are a bit, misunderstood.” I tried to get him to stop writing for a second and did a little dazzling to distract him. His hand froze over the paper and he silently started at me. Good, it worked.

“H- how would you say you are misunderstood? Your parents said you two have the most physical relationship in the house. Is that a fair evaluation?” Emmett winked playfully at me. Fair evaluation, try understatement of the century.

“Yes, I think that is fair, how about you Emmett?” I tried to give him a chance to redeem himself.

“Hell ya! Good and physical..” Note to self, cut out his tongue.

“Let me ask you a question then. “ Dr. Dover started “If you have such a healthy relationship, then why did you feel it necessary to hit on your mother Emmett?” I had to hold back a laugh. I peeked over at Emmett who looked like he just saw a ghost. “You said you wanted to discuss it in private..”

“No, wait…I wasn’t really… Rose tell him, I didn’t really…it was a mistake.” Emmett looked desperately at me for help. I had confessed to Carlisle in the car it was a set up , but Jasper still had no idea and we wanted to keep him in the dark a while longer so I had to come up with an answer.

“It was a misunderstanding doctor. Carlisle just overreacted when he saw Emmett giving Esme and back rub. It had been a very long day for us and quite frankly, I can’t remember the last time Carlisle slept!” I’m sure it was a few hundred years ago though…

“Oh ok” Dr. Dover sighed. He seemed relieved he didn’t have to delve into some twisted mother love thing with Emmett.

“So getting back to your very physical relationship, what do you to like to do together besides have sex? What are your hobbies?”

Draining the blood of animals, fighting deranged vampires, keeping Bella alive, teasing Edward endlessly, probably not what he’s looking for…

“We enjoy cars. I am a fairly skilled mechanic and Emmett helps me, when he isn’t causing trouble.” I said proudly.

“Yeah, Doc you should see her when she ‘s under the hood of a car, with her hands all over the engine… Rosalie is really good at pushing a car to it’s limits.” Emmett bragged, of course his comment had a sexual undertone which the doctor picked up on because I could see him blush slightly. Great he’s probably imagining me fondling a car…

“I like to tinker with cars that’s all. We also enjoy hunting.” Emmett spun around on the couch and looked at me like I was insane.

“You hunt?” the doctor asked me, completely amazed.

“Sure. Emmett and I go hunting all the time don’t we Em?” He nodded his head blankly.

“Well it sounds like you two have a number of shared interests which is a very important thing for a healthy relationship.” Good! We passed, I wonder if we can leave now… “Emmett how would you describe Rosalie in 5 words” Crap! This isn’t going to be good.

“Emmett…” I warned at a volume only he could hear me. He didn’t look toward me at all, I saw the corner of his mouth twitch as he started his list.

“Five words: Gorgeous, Sexy, Fun, Tenacious, and …Flexible” I tried very hard not to laugh, but the look on Dr. Dover’s face was priceless and a loud laugh escaped my lips.

“Rosalie, same question to you, describe Emmett “ Emmett stood up off the couch and decided to pose for me, so I could take in all his many gifts.

“Handsome, Strong, Funny, Loving and…Moronic.” Emmett’s arms dropped to his side “Thanks Rose, the doctor thinks I’m a moron…”

“No babe, he thinks, I think you are a moron, there’s a difference.” I teased.

Dr. Dover cleared his throat before he spoke again “Well, from what I can see, you two have a fairly healthy relationship. Rosalie I think sometimes you can be over bearing, and Emmett I think sometimes you need to take things more seriously. The thing I do want you both to think about, is how your ‘openness’ affects the other members of your family. Not all people are as comfortable with their sexuality, and you need to be a little more respectful of their feelings.”

We both sheepishly nodded our heads in agreement. I can take a hint, give Edward a break…

“Emmett one last question. What have you learned from your homework?”

“Other than the obvious, I just miss… being able to touch her. Hold her hand, kiss her cheek, feel her arms around me, that is what I have missed the most during the last 23 hours and 17 minutes.” The doctor looked pleased with his answer and quite frankly I was shocked that it was so coherent and well thought out.

“And Rosalie, how did your homework go with Bella, what did you learn?”

“Well, I think I was able to find something I have in common with Bella.” Of course it

is her ability to deceive the members of my family, but he doesn’t need to know that... “I think we took some real steps toward becoming sisters.” I said proudly. I may never agree with Bella’s decision, but I did love her and what she brought to our family. I finally realized that.

“So are we cured Doc?” Emmett asked, bouncing on the couch, ready to leave.

“Not cured, but off to a good start. Stop flaunting your sexual relationship in the faces of your family and I think things will start to improve.”

Emmett glanced down at his watch to check the time as we walked out of the room. I heard him whisper behind me “Thirty six minutes Rose…and counting.”

Feelings

JPOV

“Ok Jasper, here’s the plan. We have exactly 34 minutes to get this thing wrapped up so I can finally go shopping. We are going to march in there, create a little drama and a little marital strife, let this quack ‘cure’ us and get out of there. Do you understand? I have a date with the mall…” Alice hissed in my ear as we sat in the waiting room. Emmett and Rosalie had just strolled out of the room and headed back to the cafeteria with the rest of the family. Dr. Dover held the door open and waved us into the office.

As we walked through the door to the office, Alice sang “Hello there Dr. Dover. Long time no see!”

She was in a much better mood after our little excursion down to the cafeteria where she purchased lunch. It was as close to shopping as she had been allowed to get in the last 23 hours and 27 minutes. Like a heroin addict looking for a little fix, this lunch trip had given her just what she needed to take the edge off of her anxiety. Dr. Dover became suspicious immediately once he saw her change in demeanor.

“Alice, good to see you too. I take it you had a good trip to the cafeteria, no problems?” He asked cautiously. I could sense confusion, suspicion and the slightest hint of fear in him. If he only knew how scared he should be. I laughed to myself.

“No, doctor. I was very well behaved, wasn’t I Jasper?” She asked, looking to me for some reassurance. I smiled and nodded my head.

Except for the fact that you bought one of each item on the menu and offered the cafeteria workers $1000 for the soda machine, yes dear, it went perfectly fine. No one would ever guess you had a shopping addiction.

“Well, good. I’m glad we didn’t have a repeat of the gift shop incident…” Dr. Dover trailed off. I could feel his relief. He shuffled nervously through his notes and glanced my way. Immediately, his fear filled my senses.

“Shall we get started?” Again, I nodded my head while Alice joyously exclaimed “Yes! Let’s get this show on the road doctor. You are a very busy man and I am sure you have plenty of other things you could be doing right now…”

Tick, Tick Tick…32 minutes until her shopping privileges were returned and knowing Alice, she planned to walk out of this hospital at exactly 7:01 and head for the nearest store and give them the best quarterly earnings they’ve seen in a decade.

“So Alice, you know I spoke with your parents about…” My impatient wife was trying to move this along, she couldn’t help but interrupt him.

“You spoke with them about our relationship and you seem to think that I am overbearing and that I try to run Jasper’s life, yes I know.” The look on Dr. Dover’s face was priceless.

“Did your parents tell you all of that?” He stammered.

“No, but I told you I sometimes just know things…I know how I can be perceived by others so I guess I just kinda knew…” She smiled pleasantly at him before turning to me “Jazz, do you think I run your life?”

I shook my head no in response.

Dr. Dover stared at me and tapped his pencil. Is that frustration I am picking up?

“Jasper, do you have anything to say on the matter?” Dr. Dover pushed.

HA! He’s frustrated because I’m not talking. Maybe I should explain to him that it has nothing to do with Alice, only my struggles with my bloodlust. It makes things a lot easier if I don’t talk. Talking requires breathing, while silence allows me to hold my breath as much as possible. So, I can talk to you doctor, but I just might kill you.

“No, Doctor. I am just a private person. If I don’t agree with something, I let Alice know, but most of the time I am happy to do whatever she wants, within reason.” I smiled at my wife, who I noticed was glancing at the clock in anticipation.

“Within reason…can you give me an example of something you feel was not within reason?”

Damn, see this is why I don’t talk. Have I learned nothing from watching Emmett put his foot in his mouth all these years.

“I can’t think of anything…”

“Jasper, please, I can wait as long as you need me to, but I feel this is important.” Dr. Dover continued.

I glanced over at Alice whose anger was slowly rising along with her impatience. She nodded her head at the clock to tell me to get a move on.

“Ok fine, dress up, when she wants to give me makeovers, that I don’t enjoy, but most of the time I tell her.” Alice’s anger suddenly turned to hurt. See! This is why I stay silent…

“Alice, did you know that Jasper doesn’t enjoy your little makeovers”

“Yes, but he always looks so handsome when I’m done.” She whined, a small pout on her face. See how do you say ‘no’ to that?

“Jasper made an admission in his session yesterday Alice that you …dressed him in women’s clothing. Is that true?”

“Well, yes…but I had a very good reason.” Very good reason, I beg to differ…she was bored.

“What is a good enough reason to dress your boyfriend up like a woman?”

Alice let out a frustrated sigh “Well, doctor, women come in all shapes and sizes and I found a website for big and tall women and wanted to try my hand at fashions for them. Since I didn’t know any big and tall women, I used Jasper as my guniea pig! It was all completely innocent, but I’m sure Emmett made it sound dirty didn’t he? And he said Jasper did it all the time right? What a jerk. I will kill that brother of mine!” Alice scowled.

“Did you know he was uncomfortable when you did this to him?”

“Yes, but no one was supposed to find out. Darn that Emmett and his obsession with ammature videos, total pervert.” She grumbled “Anyway, Jasper made a beautiful woman, didn’t you Jazz?”

“No Alice, I looked like a bad female impersonator.” It was the complete truth, and she knew it.

“You did NOT!” I felt her getting very angry which was starting to have an affect on me too.

“I looked like a cross between a bad Cher and a really bad Celine Dion.” I snapped.

“Well if you weren’t so darn tall, I might have had more options with your style.” How dare she…

“The four inch stillettos were still a bit over board Alice… I am 6′ 3” My legs are as long as your whole body, why exactly did I need to wear them?”

“They elongate the leg Jazz! Do you even pay attention to anything I say? They made you look statuesque and lovely. They make you look thinner and your butt looked even better…”

“My butt looks fine!”

“I never said it didn’t, I’m just trying to explain myself…stop raising your voice at me!” Alice huffed furiously. Dr. Dover sat wide eyed at our exchange and out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice wink at me. My wife was quite the actress. Good use of her emotions to fuel the argument…

“You give makeovers to Bella too against her will, right Alice?” The doctor interrupted.

“Sometimes.” she answered quietly. “But she always looks pretty when I’m done right Jazz?” she looked up at me for support.

“Of course. You do a lovely job.” I said and kissed her head, hoping to undo some of the damage my words had caused.

“Alice, do understand that sometimes, people need to just be able to look how they want without input from you? It’s great you have a flair for fashion, but if you could just try and restrain yourself and wait for them to ask for your opinion, that might help. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it’s just hard doctor, when I know what the perfect outfit is…I just want to help.”

“I understand that Alice, but fashion isn’t a matter of life or death.” Alice gasped like he had just cursed her to hell.

Tick, tick, tick, I thought. That’s the only reason my lovely wife isn’t going to the mat to argue the importance of the fact that one must have the ‘proper fashion for the proper situation’, a speech I personally have heard at least a thousand times.

“Let me ask you a question, did you play with dolls when you were a child Alice?”

“I have no idea, I can’t remember anything from when I was young. My memories only begin a month before I met Jasper, but anything before that is black.”

“So you have no memories of your childhood?” Dr. Dover asked in amazement.

“Nope. That could explain my need to play dress up so much, I have life sized dolls to play with now!” She squealed with delight.

“Doesn’t it upset you, that you have no memories of your biological family?”

“No, I don’t think they were very nice…I was put into an asylum for ‘seeing things’. They thought I was possessed so I was locked in a dark room all the time until I escaped, and found Jasper and eventually found Carlisle and Esme.”

“So you could see things like a psychic?” Dr. Dover asked sceptically.

“Yes, I can still see things…” She said confidently.

“OK, tell me something.” He can’t be dumb enough to test Alice…don’t do it doctor!! I screamed in my head.

“34” She said while rolling her eyes.

“What is 34?” Doctor Dover played innocent.

“It’s the number you decided on in your head to see if I could guess it.” Dr. Dover mumbled ”Lucky guess” under his breath, which I knew Alice had heard. Her jaw set, she raised a challenging eyebrow to the good doctor. He responded by making an odd face, I can only assume it was a face of intense concentration, or stomach problems.

“17” Alice responded rapidly.

“1,834”

“Frog”

“Banana”

“The Boston Red Sox”

“Fruit of the Loom underwear”

“Milky Way, the galaxy not the candy bar.” she sighed “Do you believe me yet? This is getting very boring.”

“Let’s try something else, tell me… something that is going to happen in the future.”

“Tonight when we leave, before you go home, you are going to go to Flannagan’s Bar and have a double scotch on the rocks…again, just like you did last night after we left. Tonight you will not sing karaoke however. ” She said with a smirk on her face. “Love is a Battle Field… I never pegged you as a Pat Benetar fan doctor.” Dr. Dover dropped his pen out of his hand and froze for a few seconds. His face blushed and he started stammering.

“How…how did you…”

“I told you, I can see things. It makes it really hard to surprise me, so Christmas and birthdays are fairly boring, but it is the price I must pay for my unusal gift.” She smiled sweetly at him. “Do you have anymore questions for me?”

“Um, no…Well, I guess the thing for you to be careful of is that even though you may be able to see things, when it comes to clothing, unless it is a matter of life or death, which will be extremely rare, you need to let people wear what they want. Stop using them like life sized dolls, to make up for your missing childhood memories.”

“I will try, I promise doctor.” Alice raised her hand into the air to swear.

“HA! I’m cured, your turn Jazz, make it good and make it fast!” Alice said to me so only I could hear her.

“Jasper, I feel we have a number of things to discuss. Why don’t you tell me about your childhood.”

“Well I was raised in a very different family than Carlisle and Esme’s. Being from the South, they definitely were not vegetarians. I was raised in a much more violent family, where hunting and killing were commonplace, it was considered a normal way to live. I was in a number of fights, which led to all my scars.” Of course the fights were with gangs of vampires, but no need to point that out right now, we were finally moving along with the whole therapy thing and Alice is getting more impatient by the second.

“So did your upbringing make you want to embrace the Cullen’s lifestyle more?”

“Yes, that and Alice.”

“Jasper can you tell me why, other than to be with Alice do you want to be a vegetarian?”

Why did I want to be a vegetarian, to not kill innocent people, to try to make up slightly for all the pain I’ve caused in my life, to be with the woman I love, because I believe it is the right way to live, to avoid seeing the terror in my victim’s eyes as I sink my teeth into their flesh…can’t say most of that…he’d have a stroke.

“Well, I feel it is the… healthiest lifestyle for me, and I believe it will help me live a better life and make up for some bad choices in… diet I may have made previously. I just couldn’t stand to eat things with feelings anymore. I didn’t want to feel their fear and pain before I ate them…it just became too much to see them looking at me…” I still don’t know how I got it out with a straight face before I buried my face into my hands for dramatic effect, then Alice hissed “Good one Jazz, bring on the emotion, he’s eating that up. We’ll be out of here in no time.”

“It sounds like you struggle the most with being a vegetarian in your family, is that a fair statement?” Dr Dover inquired.

I raised my head out of my hands and took a long deep breath before answering. “Yes, I think it is fair to say I struggle every day with my choice, but I do all I can to stay in control.”

“What happens when you lose control Jasper, because I have to imagine you do lose control occasionally, what do you do?”

“I get…upset, violent.”

“Is that what happened when you tried to kill Bella?” Alice groaned and rolled her eyes. A lengthy discussion about my slip up, was not going to help her get to the store any sooner.

“I had been having a very bad day. Sometimes our lifestyle is hard, very hard for me, but I stick with it, to be with Alice. I am usually in control, but on this day, I was not. Bella was in the wrong place at the wrong time and I lashed out, nearly hurting her, but Edward stopped me. I am very ashamed of what happened and all the trouble it created for Edward and Bella and I will spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to them. But they both have forgiven me so that helps me deal with my guilt.” I said everything as accurately, and quickly as possible so Alice wouldn’t be annoyed. Great more confusion…this guy needs to learn how to read between the lines really!

“It was an accident. I lost control and almost…almost killed her.” I said sheepishly, not totally lying. Glad I get to revisit this memory for the millionth time. This will help…

“So you are saying you accidentally tried to kill Bella?” Dr. Dover asked skeptically.

“No, I meant to do it, so I guess accidentally is the wrong word. It was a misunderstanding?” Terror came from the good doctor.

“So Bella and Edward misunderstood your intentions, you weren’t actually trying to kill her?”

“No, that was in fact what I was trying to do.”

“Then what would you call it Jasper?” He asked exacerbated.

“An impulse control problem? A bad choice maybe?”

“A bad choice.” Dr. Dover replied.

“Yes.”

“I’ve never heard attempted murder referred to as a bad choice before…And what led you to make that ‘bad choice’ ?”

“I was hungry…” I heard Alice hissing at me “Jazz, be careful here…”

“You were hungry so you attacked Bella, in an attempt to kill her. Were you going to eat her?”

“Not exactly, I don’t like meat.” Again, Alice hissed ‘Jazz…’

“Then what part of Bella were you going to eat?”

“Her blood.” Lasers shot out of Alice’s eyes at me, and her fury hit me like a wave.

“Her blood? Like a vampire?”

“Yes.”

“Jasper, do you think you’re a vampire?”

“Yes doctor, I believe I am a vampire.”

Dr. Dover again, froze and stared at my totally serious face. He was trying to process what I had just said when I heard Alice start yelling at me at vampire speed, so the doctor couldn’t hear.

“Have you completely gone insane? Do you want the Volturri on the porch by the time we get home ready to kill us? Carlisle is going to flip out…how could you tell him that?”

I tried to send a calming feeling her way while we waited for the doctor to react.

“Do not try and calm me down Jasper Hale! I have every right to be upset. I said drama and strife, not a full on vampire war…there is no shopping during a war you know that!! You just keep your big dumb emotions to yourself… you are in so much trouble.”

Over the years, my family may have thought Alice and I shared all these touching, wordless moments together, gazing into one another’s eyes. They were wrong, utterly and completely. Like a master ventriloquist, Alice had learned to smile and not move her mouth at all, while silently yelling at me, undetected. Right now, to Dr. Dover and anyone else who looked at her, she was smiling sweetly, poised like a doll on the edge of her chair. But to me, she was the woman I loved, spitting venom at me with all her might at vampire speed, yet again.

“I know what I am doing Alice…you said make some drama.” I hissed right back to her.

“Drama yes, giving him reasons to commit us NO, that was not part of the plan. I will not be stuck back in a padded cell in some horrible asylum jumpsuit. I am too short to pull that look off Jazz you idiot. The color white makes me look all washed out.” Alice hissed.

My train of thought was broken when I was suddenly filled with amusement and relief. I looked curiously at Alice who was still too mad to be the source, and then finally to Dr. Dover who was grinning from ear to ear.

“HA! You almost had me there Jasper…you’re a vampire. That dry sense of humor of yours…you had me going for a minute. You’re a vampire, sure and I’m a werewolf!” The man actually had tears streaming down his face. Even if it was a joke, it wasn’t that funny. Maybe now he’s the one having a mental breakdown. I thought.

“Oh, my…what a joke. HA …where were we…vampires, that’s a good one. Sorry, getting back on track. Oh yes, so being a vegetarian makes you angry. If it makes you angry, then why continue?”

“I told you, it is the price I pay for being with Alice, I love her, and I am willing to change my lifestyle to match hers. It’s that simple.”

“But why would being a vegetarian make you violent?” He asked. Again with the confusion!

“Being hungry makes you grumpy. Look at any supermodel in the world, they are the skinniest and most hostile people on the planet…it’s all from the lack of food. I guess I just get extra grumpy. Edward once explained that living on soy milk and tofu will sustain you, but not necessarily satisfy you. The hunger is always there…just under the surface…” I said ominously. Now he’s back to the fear…

“I don’t want you to think Jazz is some sort of bloodthirsty monster doctor, because that isn’t true…he struggles, but I do my best to help him through the rough times. On that day with Bella, I didn’t see it coming so it was in part, my fault too.” Alice said apologetically to the doctor and to me.

“It sounds like this is something you have thought extensively about so that is good. But you have to find a healthier outlet for your stress. Was this the only time that you have become violent?”

With Bella…“Yes.”

“Can I ask you another question?” Alice shot me a look of ‘wrap it up Jazz’.

“Sure.”

“Why are you always so quiet?” He asked and I felt concern. Great, he probably thinks I’m depressed or still plotting Bella’s murder…I better find a way to end this quickly and quietly… humor worked last time, let’s try it again.

“Well doctor, to tell you the truth, I am a very observant man and I have watched my brother Emmett for years get in to trouble for saying the first thing that pops into his head. I choose to think things through before I speak, thereby keeping myself out of a great deal of trouble unlike him.” I gave him a warm dazzling smile and laughed out loud, hoping all of those things together would be enough to end this line of questioning.

“Ha! I completely understand, your brother doesn’t sensor much of what he says does he?” Doctor Dover laughed.

“According to Edward, not at all.” I laughed. OOPS!

“So are we done doctor? Do we pass the mental exam?” Alice asked excitedly, Her joy was already beginning to overwhelm me.

“Jasper, how was your homework? I’ve heard about Alice’s difficulties but you didn’t say how yours went.”

How it went, well I made the girls kiss which was hilarious even though it was unexpected. Edward and Emmett almost spontaneously combusted, that was priceless. I caused my brother’s fiancée to have a dirty dream which again was unexpected and amusing. The only uncomfortable result was finding out about Bella’s feelings of desire and lust for me…it was quite overwhelming. I decided to keep that information to myself and was trying to keep it blocked from Edward also.

“It was …unexpected and interesting. I know why you had me do it, but I think the entire family would be more comfortable if I kept my emotions in check a little more.”

“Just understand emotions are a good thing and always suppressing them can have disastrous results OK?” I nodded my head in agreement. Whatever you say doctor…just get me out of here before Alice explodes!

“One final question, I did this with Rose and Emmett and I’d like to try it with you as well. Please describe each other in five words.”

“Jasper is loving, thoughtful, empathetic, protective, and leggy.” Alice started laughing because she knew what I was going to say and a feeling of love washed over me.

“Alice is exuberant, excitable, loyal, omniscient and compact.” She put her tiny hand in mine and gave it a squeeze.

“Well, thank you both for your time. You can send in Bella and Edward. Don’t go anywhere though, I will want to talk to all of you before you leave.” Alice looked nervously at her watch…18 minutes. She looked skeptically at me.

We both knew Edward and Bella needed more like an hour rather than a measly 18 minutes to work through their issues…especially if Edward was still in a bad mood. As soon as I opened the door to the office and he saw me, I felt him emotionally shut down and all his defenses go up.

Yep, they are going to be a while.

I Love My Dog

BPOV

We were sitting in Dr. Dover’s reception area, waiting for Alice and Jasper to emerge from his office and for our own personal hell to then begin. Stephenie was sound asleep behind her desk, which was a good thing. I didn’t want to have to deal with her again. Edward took my hand in his and stroked it gently with his fingers.

“How are you holding up?” He asked.

“I will be happy when this is all over. Honestly, I think we should just go home, have a huge pillow fight, work out our aggressions, and be done with it. How about you?” I asked, concerned that everything from today was starting to take it’s toll on him.

“I’d rather face the Volturri than step foot in that office again.” He mumbled with a scowl toward the office door.

The door to the office flew open and Alice and Jasper strode out, looking thrilled to be free. Alice tapped her watch at us as she walked out, I assumed they were heading back down to the cafeteria. I felt a wave of calm wash over us as Jasper passed, I was certain he felt all the tension both Edward and I were exuding. Next to me, Edward quietly chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Alice threatened to throw us the most pink and sparkly wedding in history if we don’t get done by 7:00 sharp so she can go shopping. She also mentioning something about white satin stilettos for the wedding with your name on them…”

My body tensed at the thought of having to navigate three feet, let alone down a 25 foot aisle for the wedding, balancing on a pair of glorified toothpicks. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his embrace.

“I love you Bella.”

“I love you too Edward, even if it means I have to sit through therapy with your crazy family.” I laughed.

“I’ll be with you two in just a minute.” Dr. Dover waved from his office as he shut his door. Unfortunately the noise woke Stephenie up from her slumber. Her head flew up and when she saw Edward and I sitting there, she looked as if she had seen a ghost. She quickly ran her fingers through her hair and snatched a pen off the counter and a pad of paper and began scribbling furiously. I looked over at Edward and saw he was staring at Stephenie and appeared mildly amused.

“Do I even want to know? Is she writing you a love note or something?” Edward shook his head no. “OOHH is it for Carlisle? Esme will kill her…” I mumbled aloud. Edward continued shaking his head no, but suddenly covered his mouth to hide his smile.

“Tell me.” I hissed.

“She …she had a dream just now…about us. For some reason she thinks it will make a great book, the perfect love story. She’s writing the whole thing down before she forgets.” He was still shaking with laughter but I couldn’t understand why.

“And that’s funny why?” I whispered as Stephenie looked back over at us, her eyes ran wildly over our faces and then she threw her head back down and started writing,

“Remember the book she was reading before? With Tim and Shay?” he asked.

“Sure, the trashy vampire book. What about it?” I was even more confused now. I racked my brain to remember. Edward said we reminded her of the characters in it…that Edward reminded her of…

“She is not!” I gasped, now realizing why Edward was laughing so hard.

“She is and in the story, I’m a vampire. I wonder if Alice saw this one coming…” He trailed off, still highly amused.

“Poor woman, dreaming of vampires.” I giggled. I had actually forgotten where we were until the office door flew open and I heard the words I had been dreading for the last ten minutes.

“Edward and Bella I am ready for you two now.” Dr. Dover grinned from his doorway.

Edward gave my hand a squeeze and followed me through the office door. I felt my heart rate pickup as I heard Dr. Dover close the door behind us, trapping us in his office. Claustrophobia began to take over and Edward immediately picked up on my increased heart rate and erratic breathing. He gave me a strange look, but I just shrugged my shoulders and I leaned back farther into my chair.

“Where to start, where to start.” I heard the doctor mutter as he flipped through page after page of his notes, all I assume were about Edward and I. Glancing over at Edward, I saw him rolling his eyes apparently annoyed by the thoughts going through Dr. Dover’s head.

“Let’s start with your homework, Bella how did all the wedding conversations go?” He looked at me eagerly awaiting my answer. I glanced over at Edward who had a small smirk on his face, which annoyed me.

“It went fine. I think I answered all Edward’s questions, until he started asking annoying things like what our colors were and what flavor wedding cake I wanted, or when we were going to…” I shuddered visibly, “Register. All that stuff falls under Alice’s decisions, not mine.” Edward laughed out loud at my reaction.

“Edward why are you laughing at her? She is obviously uncomfortable.” The doctor asked quickly. I’d like to know the answer to that one too Edward.

“I’m sorry, Bella I’m not laughing at you. Well I am, but it’s just that I didn’t really care about those questions, I just asked them…to distract you and it worked.” My eyes narrowed in anger.

“Why were you trying to distract me Edward?”

“Do you remember what was happening right before I asked those questions?” He said as he raised a knowing eyebrow at me.

We were in bed, and he was anxious for me to sleep , but I was anxious to… “OH” I said and my face turned red as a lobster.

“What were you doing Bella?” Dr. Dover asked, and my face grew even more red if possible.

“We were in bed.” I said as quietly as possible, Edward continued smirking.

Dr. Dover’s face was full of confusion. “You were in bed? With who?”

“With him!” I screeched as I extended my arm and pointed at Edward who was biting his lip to not react to my tantrum.

“But I thought you said you two didn’t…”

“We don’t.” Edward said plainly.

“Then why were you in bed together? And why were you distracting her?” Dr. Dover continued.

“I was going to sleep, and Edward lays down with me when I sleep, and nothing happens, we just sleep. Well, correct that, I sleep. He just…”

“Just what?”

“Watches me sleep, I guess.” I said somewhat hesitantly as I looked over at Edward. “Really, Edward what do you do while I sleep?”

He shrugged his shoulders “I just lay there with you and watch you sleep. Sometimes I read, but most of the time I just listen to you talking and to your heartbeat.” He took my hand and kissed it lovingly. I was grinning from hearing his admission, but when I looked at Dr. Dover he had a horrified expression on his face.

“So let me get this straight, I must have misunderstood…Bella, you lay down in bed at night and go to sleep and Edward, you lay down with her and watch her sleep?” he asked incredulously.

Edward and I looked at one another and both nodded our heads in agreement. “Yes.” Edward simply said out loud.

“How long do you stay with her? Till midnight or 1 am?” he asked.

“Usually until the sun comes up, then I go home and change my clothes, returning in time to pick her up for school.” The calm of Edward’s voice was a funny contrast to the panic in Dr. Dover’s eyes.

“But…how can you…when do you sleep?”

“I don’t sleep. I guess you would diagnose me as having insomnia doctor.” I chuckled at his self diagnosis.

“Edward, when was the last time you slept?” I can’t wait to see him get out of this one. I giggled to myself.

“I honestly cannot remember the last time I slept. But when I am with Bella at night, laying next to her as she sleeps, I am completely relaxed and content, as close to sleep as I think is possible for me.”

“Have you ever tried medication to help you sleep?”

“Medication doesn’t work on me doctor. Carlisle and I have discussed this extensively.” Edward said with a straight face, but I saw the corner of his mouth twitch slightly in amusement.

“Do your parents know?” Dr. Dover asked both of us.

“Yes.” Edward said plainly. “We have no secrets.”

“No!” I said loudly “Secrets are a good thing in my house.”

“So Bella, you are lying to Charlie about Edward?” Dr. Dover asked accusingly.

“No, I’m not lying. He has never asked me if Edward spends the night, so technically…” I trailed off hoping it would blow over.

“Would he approve?”

“Approve of Edward spending the night with me? No, definitely not, he’s a cop and I’m quite certain he’d try to kill Edward. The man does own a gun…” I said nervously as I shifted in my seat.

“Does he know that Edward has established boundaries in your relationship?”

“Kind of. I usually don’t make it a point to discuss my sex life, or lack their of, with my father thank you very much.” I hissed.

“Bella, again you mention your lack of a sex life…are you a little bitter about Edward’s boundaries?”

It took a second to think about his question. I glanced over at Edward whose forehead was wrinkled in concern.

“Bitter isn’t the right word…I’d say I’m more …frustrated.”

“So you are saying you’re sexually frustrated?” Dr. Dover blurted out louder than I would have liked.

“I…I…don’t know how to answer that question.” I floundered while Edwards face went stiff.

“Well, the definition of sexual frustration is agitation, stress or anxiety due to prolonged sexual inactivity or an uncomfortably low level of sexual activity that is causing frustration.” Dr. Dover recited what sounded like the definition out of his textbook.

“Oh, yes then, I guess that pretty much sums it up.” I said my face blazing red. Edward smacked himself in the head and started cursing again under his breath.

“Edward, there is nothing to be upset or uncomfortable about, Couples all the time have problems where one partner wants sex more than the other. I will admit usually it is the man wanting to have sex more…but that is besides the point. What I’m trying to say is this is perfectly normal and if you two can talk openly about sex, that will help you have a full and satisfying sex life.” Now I was as uncomfortable as Edward. I glanced over at him again and mouthed ‘sorry’. He shrugged his shoulder and rolled his eyes helplessly.

A musical female voice yelled directly outside the door. “LOOK JASPER…IT’S ALREADY 6:44 PM ISN’T THE DAY JUST FLYING BY?” My eyes grew wide when visions of me falling down the aisle at my wedding, in 4 inch stilettos, wearing a horrible pink wedding dress danced in my head.

“OK Doc. What do you want to know…let’s get this over with.” I said at as close to vampire speed as I was capable of.

“Well, I’m just saying Bella, if you are feeling unsatisfied,“ Edward cringed at the doctors words. “Then have you ever considered…taking care of your own needs?”

Edward jumped to his feet and started pacing nervously behind my chair, running his fingers through his hair nervously. I sat in my seat, completely frozen in shock. I could feel the skin starting to melt off my face from the burning intensity of my blush over what Dr. Dover had just suggested. Outside the door I heard a booming laugh, and knew the whole family was gathered, now listening to our sexual counseling.

“I…I…No.” I shook my head no over and over and over until I was almost dizzy.

“Well I think you and Edward should discuss the idea…this can’t be easy on him either, having you tempting him all the time when he seems quite dedicated to his decision to wait until marriage.” I heard Edward’s cursing as he paced a hole in the floor.

“Um, like are you suggesting a…a..” I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“A VIBRATOR BELLA! HE THINKS YOU NEED A VIBRATOR” Emmett screamed from the waiting room. Edward had a murderous look in his eyes as he walked to the door, opened it, and threw a book he had grabbed off the table at Emmett. I knew the book hit its mark when I heard the loud crash and the “Damn it Edward!” from Emmett.

He slammed the door shut and flopped angrily into his chair beside me. I continued staring at my hands which were folded safely in my lap.

“Um, well yes, I was suggesting a vibrator actually.” Dr. Dover mumbled uncomfortably.

“Forget it. I’ll give in to her before I’ll let that happen.” Edward growled with the bridge of his nose pinched between his finger, his ultimate display of stress.

“Edward don’t be absurd! You’re not going to change your decision about waiting for me. I’m not getting one of those things…God knows with my klutziness, I might poke an eye out!” I tried to lighten the mood. When Edward looked up at me, we both burst out laughing at the images we had in our heads of all the trouble I could get myself into with one of those things.

Dr. Dover however thought we were crazy, I’m certain, then he scribbled something down in what I called his massive ‘Edward and Bella are Freaks’ folder and began his questioning again.

“Edward, can we discuss your suicide attempt again?” Dr. Dover said in a serious voice.

“6:46!” Emmett screamed from the waiting room. Apparently, Alice wasn’t the only one watching the clock tick.

“Sure, what can I tell you.” Edward said quickly.

“Would you do it again?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I promised Bella I wouldn’t.”

“Do you always do what Bella asks you to do?” Dr. Dover questioned. I thought we covered this in the sex therapy part of our session..NO!

He glanced my way and I looked at him, anxious to hear his answer, daring him to lie with my eyes.

“No, not always. If it’s what’s best for Bella, I go along with it, but if it’s not, then I have to refuse her wishes.” He said solemnly.

“So give me an example of something you’ve refused her.” Dr. Dover said quickly adding “Other than sex, that is.”

“Well, the easiest thing to think of, is her becoming one of us.”

“A vegetarian?”

“Yes- a vegetarian. I don’t think it’s what’s best for her. I cannot allow her to turn her back on her life, to willingly give up who and what she is to be like me. True, it would make life easier for me, but I will not be the reason she loses everything.”

“Edward, how many times do I have to tell you it is not your decision to make. It is mine and mine alone. You are not my keeper you are my fiancée and eventually you will be my husband and if you think I am going to back down and do whatever you tell me, you will be sadly mistaken.”

“I have to agree with Bella on this Edward. She is a big girl and can make this decision herself…”

“No she can’t. She has no idea what she would be giving up, how much it would cost her, hurt her even!” Edward shouted as he glared at Dr. Dover.

“Still, it’s not your choice Edward. You can’t protect her from every bad decision she makes, she has to live and learn. That is how we grow as people.”

“Yes, but you see Bella isn’t a normal person, she has this way of attracting danger and trouble. She often gets herself involved with dangerous…situations or creatures. And we disagree about just how dangerous things are. She always looks for the good and refuses to see the bad.”

“Creatures?” I asked. “What creatures am I involved with that are so dangerous?”

“Your love of dogs…” he spat at me.

“Wait a minute, you are not going to throw that in my face are you?” I fumed.

“Our brother is an idiot!” I heard Alice cry from the waiting room. “Damn it Edward!”

“What is this about her dog Edward? You don’t like him?”

“No, Bella had decided to let this very dangerous animal into her life and into her heart. I have tried to warn her of the dangers of having… a stray…they are temperamental, easily angered, and unpredictable, but she refuses to see the bad, again always looking for the good.”

“Bella tell me about this dog Edward feels is so dangerous.”

“For the record, I chose you, not the dog Edward as I have already told you, so how you can still feel threatened by him is ridiculous to me! But anyway, doctor, the dog helped me through a very difficult time in my life. When Edward was gone, he was by best friend and helped pick me up and put me back together. It’s only normal I would have some loyalty to him right?” I asked Dr. Dover. He gently nodded his head, and I smirked victoriously at Edward.

“But he is a dangerous animal.” Edward growled.

“No he’s not. Not with me.” I said sternly

“Aren’t there some breeds of dogs that are historically dangerous doctor? Like a pit bull, they have a reputation for violence and attacking people without provocation, you would be leery and extra cautious around one right?”

“Yes, I would agree with that, if there is a pattern of violence in the animal…”

“And there is. A normal person would be cautious, Bella however, decides to kiss the dog.”

“I kissed the dog once, well twice. Edward. Get over it. I have!” I yelled.

“I’m just trying to explain why my opinions should not always be considered controlling or overreactions by the doctor, there is a valid concern for your safety.”

“Edward are you jealous of the dog?” Dr. Dover pressed.

“Jealous? No…well …yes, I am grateful he helped Bella when I hurt her, but now, he’s just …in the way.”

“What is it that would you like Bella to do Edward? She is obviously attached to the dog, on some level.”

“Yes Edward, what do you want me to do? Do you want to kill my dog Edward?” I accused.

“No Bella, I don’t want to kill your dog. I would never do that and you know it. I just want to know you love me more than your dog…and… I want him to keep his filthy tongue out of your mouth please! I don’t think that is too much to ask.” Edward’s jealousy for some reason made me smile.

“I promise to keep the dog on a very short leash Edward, okay?” I asked as I turned and looked deeply into his eyes so he see how much I loved him. He returned my gaze with a perfectly dazzling crooked smile and I knew all was forgiven.

“See, that was wonderful, You two were able to work through a conflict and find a resolution that works for both of you. I am impressed.” Dr. Dover said with pride. He took a few notes and then a serious look fell over his face before he spoke again. “There is another topic I would like to get your side of Bella…”

I knew where this was going, so I interrupted “Jasper?” The doctor nodded his head in agreement.

“Dr. Dover I’m sure it sounds crazy, but it really was an accident, Jasper feels terrible about it and I forgave him. Do the circumstances really matter that much?” I pleaded.

“The details do tend to be important, Bella, it’s not every day someone tries to kill you… ”

“Well, actually for me it is not that unusual of an occurrence…” I mumbled, however Dr. Dover had caught every word and looked like he was ready to spring from his chair.

“What do you mean it isn’t unusual? How many times have people tried to kill you Bella?”

“I don’t know…5, 6 if you count the current threat on my life from our friends in Italy…right?” I said as I looked at Edward.

“Actually love, I think you are correct if you are counting Tyler’s poor driving as an attempt on your life and our friends from Italy do make 6 by my count.” Edward calmly agreed with me.

“Bella, 5 times people have tried to …kill ..you? How can you be so calm about this?” He asked incredulously.

“Because I know Edward will never let anything happen to me. He has saved me every single time. We told you doctor, I am a danger magnet.”

“Who are the Italians, and why do they currently want to kill you Bella?”

I looked over to Edward for help, but he didn’t seem to have a better answer than I did to the doctor’s question.

“Well, they are a very powerful family in Italy, and I know…a secret about them. But they have said they will not kill me if I become a vegetarian like Edward and his family. If I become a vegetarian, then they may ask me to work for them, but I can refuse if I want.” There’s no way this guy is going to buy this …

“What do they do for a living that they would need a vegetarian to help them?”

“It would be more of a… position on their board…I may have a talent they find important.”

“Like what? Are you a good debater, do you have an eye for corporate takeovers, skilled vegetarian chef, do you have a flair for coming up with unique vegetarian recipes? Do they own a restaurant? And why would you ever agree to work for them if they threatened to kill you?”

“Oh, I would never work for them, but they don’t know that. I am just playing along with their demands until I become a vegetarian, and then I can take care of myself.” Edward sighed at my comments.

“Bella, I have to say, I am a more than a little concerned at your apparent lack of concern for your own safety. You seem completely unaffected by the danger that surrounds you!” Dr. Dover said, stunned.

“Thank you ! Finally someone agrees with me.” Edward exclaimed happily, clapping his hands together.

“I’m serious Bella, I know you think Edward is way too overprotective, but I have to say, I think he is the only one being remotely sensible right now!”

“Did you all hear that? I am being sensible!!!” Edward called out in the direction of the waiting room, sounding downright giddy.

“Hurry it up Mr. Sensible. It’s 6:51!” Alice yelled back.

“When Jasper attacked you Bella, what was your reaction?”

“I forgave him before I even left the Cullen’s house.” I said quietly, still not being comfortable remembering that day.

“And Edward what was your reaction?”

“I decided I needed to keep Bella safe and being around me and my family wasn’t safe for her so I made the decision to leave.” I felt tears come to my eyes at the memory of his leaving.

“Bella, what are your feelings toward Jasper now?”

“I love him, he’s a part of my family.” I said strongly, I meant every word I said.

“I know you consider him family, but family or not, if someone tries to kill you, a normal reaction would be anger, especially if his act caused the love of your life to leave you. Why aren’t you more angry with Jasper?” Dr. Dover asked intensely.

“I…I…don’t know.” I looked over at Edward who seemed to be distracted by something and trying not to laugh. My brows furrowed in confusion, but I continued answering the doctor “He…is just…family.” I heard a loud commotion outside and seconds later the door to Dr. Dover’s office flew open.

Jasper was standing in the doorway, breathing heavily. Alice was over his shoulder saying “Jazz you are going to make a complete fool of yourself.” But Jasper just shook his head no, holding a hand up to Alice quieting her, and also annoying her from the look on her face. Edward looked to the ground, refusing to make eye contact with him but smiled.

“Jasper can I help you with something? I am in the middle of a session with your brother and Bella.”

“Dr. Dover, I have information that you need to know!” Jasper almost shouted at him.

“What is it Jasper?”

“Sir…I think you and …my brother need to know that…well…Bella is in love with me!”

“WHAT?” Dr. Dover and I shouted at the same time. Edward covered his face with his hands and began shaking, with laughter I assumed… or he would have tried to kill Jasper by now if he had remotely believed him.

“Jasper can you explain why you think Bella is in love with you?” Dr. Dover asked in shock.

“Well, something happened today…I was sitting with her and she was talking to Rosalie about the dream she had about the three of us.” He said waving a finger between himself and Edward. “And then she just… it was just the way she acted…” Jasper stammered.

“Jasper, this is important…did Bella come on to you?”

“NO!” I yelled “I most certainly did not come onto Jasper! ROSALIE!!!!!” I screamed.

In the blink of an eye, the leggy blond appeared in the doorway behind Jasper, grinning from ear to ear. “Yes Bella?” She said in her sweetest voice.

“Please explain to Jasper that I am not in love with him.”

“Sorry, Jazz it was all part of our bonding activities. Bella wasn’t thinking about you when she was acting that way, she was thinking about Edward, you just ‘read’ her wrong. Bella is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Nope, that’s it. Thanks Rose.”

“Anytime Bella.” she sang as she left the doorway. I could hear Emmett’s muffled laughter in the distance.

Jasper remained frozen in place for a few seconds, humiliated and embarrassed I’d guess based on the emotions that filled the room. Finally, he began to ever so slowly inch toward the door. “You and Rosalie are a force to be reckoned with Bella. Very dangerous…” Were Jasper’s parting words as he softly shut the door. “I told you so Jazz!” I heard Alice hiss.

Dr. Dover wiped the beads of sweat that had formed on his brow way with his shirt sleeve, as he scribbled another note. Edward was still laughing so I gave him a quick smack on the shoulder “You could have warned me that was coming.”

“Your face was priceless my love.” He said as he tried to dazzle me into forgiving him. Being a mere mortal, it of course worked.

“You really are lucky I love you!”

“I know. That’s what I’ve been saying…”

I heard Dr. Dover clear his throat. “Well Bella, it looks like things are getting better between you and Rosalie. The homework I gave her must have helped, of course I don’t know how wise it is to bond over harassing family members, but you have to start somewhere so…” He gave his shoulders a small shrug.

“Thank you doctor. Yes, I think Rosalie and I have made a lot of progress today.”

“OK, sorry. Where were we before the interruption?” Dr. Dover scanned the paper in front of him.

“You were pointing out to Bella that I was right to be concerned for her safety and I was and I quote ‘ the only one being remotely sensible’ end quote.” Edward said proudly. I rolled my eyes at him, but that just made his smile grown even bigger. He was enjoying this way too much.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Edward had Alice kidnap me Dr. Dover. If you want a perfect example of him overreacting, you will really enjoy this story!” I snarled, eager to wipe the smirk off of Edward’s face.

As I took a big breath, ready to launch into every detail of the story, the office door flew open for the second time during our session and this time it was Emmett, his hands up in the air like he was stopping traffic.

“Listen, doc…I know these two need therapy, lots and lots of therapy, but it is now 6:56 and I know you still want to talk to all of us as a group. Rosalie and I have, um…plans…and we need to leave at exactly 7:00 so let me help move this along if I can.” Edward grabbed my hand, and I squeezed his with all my might, terrified at what might fly from Emmett’s mouth while he was in such an excited state.

“They have issues, Bella is clumsy, hormonal and lusty, too trusting, overly obsessed with her dog, she has a fear of commitment, low self esteem, an inferiority complex, desperately wants to be a vegetarian and you haven’t even touched on just how darn stubborn a human she is. She however makes my brother happier than I have ever seen him. He actually smiles and laughs, something I didn’t even know his face could do until he met her. Edward, well he could be a whole class in shrink school.” Edward began growling at Emmett who justed waved his hand in Edward’s direction to shut him up.

“Edward however, is paranoid that something will happen to Bella, self loathing, homicidal when it comes to protecting Bella, irrational at times, way too old fashioned in the ways of love, overprotective and often overreacts. Of course, in his defense, he loves Bella like no one else on the planet ever could and that is the source of all his crazy behavior.” Emmett cast a genuine smile in my direction.

“Having said all that, they are soul mates in every sense of the word and everything will work out in the end. There is nothing stronger than their love.” My eyes got misty at the sincerity of Emmett’s words. It was very…un-Emmett of him. I jumped out of my chair and gave my big brother a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you Emmett. I love you.” I said through my tears.

“Oh great, now she’s in love with me too Edward…did you see that? She kissed me!” Emmett said mockingly.

“Drop dead Emmett.” I heard Jasper say from over Emmett’s shoulder.

“Already have Jazz, already have.” Emmett teased. By then all of the Cullens were standing in the office laughing.

“Dr. Dover, could we do a quick wrap up, the children really do have things they…er, want…to do now.” Carlisle said with a smirk as he looked at Emmett and Alice who were counting down the minutes like it was New Years Eve.

“6:57 Doctor, do you want to do this here or in the conference room, we don’t have much time…” Alice squealed as she clutched her purse full of credit cards.

“Um, well, OK I guess I can quickly talk to you all in here…” All the Cullens crammed into his office. Edward and I moved to the couch, letting Carlisle and Esme have the chairs in front of the desk. Edward positioned me on his lap, Alice stood in Jasper’s arms and Emmett and Rosalie stood in the corner, the feelings between them becoming palpable. Jasper kindly sent a wave of calm across the room before things escalated into a full on orgy.

“6:58!” Alice hissed, her bouncing picked up in intensity as she began creeping closer to the door. Emmett took another step closer to his wife who started giggling.

“Better hurry doctor, you’re losing them.” Esme laughed.

Jailbreak!

CPOV

This was easily the longest 36 hours of my existence. Everyone in my family was ready to strangle one another, and being a logical man, I thought getting them some professional help was the answer. It seemed reasonable, but I guess with a family like mine, all reason goes out the window and you are left with constant, eternal and inexplicable insanity.

We had fights, kisses, accusations, lies, eating disorders, sex addicts, sexual counseling, half truths, molestations, a bare chest contest, strip poker, a naked Jasper, Esme threatened a woman’s life, Bella had an erotic dream about the boys, Emmett hit on Esme, Rosalie had to be hidden to keep Emmett away from her, Alice created a fantasy shopping world, Jasper went into full confederate mode, and Edward was referred to as reasonable…what was the world coming to?

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any more insane, here we sat at 6:58, two minutes until Emmett could have sex again and until Alice could shop again and the doctor was getting ready to launch into some closing statement that none of them were going to listen to a single word of. In exactly 120 seconds, Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett would be gone, I prayed at human speed that everything would end well but it would probably be just Edward and Bella, Esme and myself left, sitting in the office, to endure the rest of Dr. Dover’s torture.

I looked around the room at my loving family. Esme sat by my side, holding my hand, but thinking murderous thoughts about the secretary. Edward was pinching the bridge of his nose, I’m sure facing the onslaught of Emmett’s mental imagery of Rosalie. Bella, bless her heart, was sitting there like a deer in headlights, her heart racing and cheeks red as a strawberry concerned that the topic of her lack of a sex life would come up again. Emmett was ogling his wife and she was, as expected…encouraging him. Alice however, was the best. She was bouncing up and down in anticipation of the clock chiming 7:00. Jasper stood stoically behind her, trying his best to calm her, with absolutely no success, she was completely out of control and you could see her pent up energy starting to effect Jasper. For now, it was only his knee that was vibrating, but in a few more seconds, I was sure that his whole body would be bouncing right along side Alice.

My focus turned to Dr. Dover who appeared to be sweating. His eyes darted from Alice to Emmett and eventually to Edward, I’m sure wondering why Edward looked like he was in physical pain. Anytime he made eye contact with Bella, she would blush. Esme and I sat calmly in our chairs, as the world around us crumbled into a million tiny pieces.

“6:58!” Alice chirped happily.

Esme gave my hand a tight squeeze of encouragement before she spoke. “Better hurry doctor you’re losing them.”

“You were saying?” I said to Dr. Dover who fumbled with his papers and started talking in a hurried voice, sensing the urgency in the room.

“Well, I just wanted to tell you all that therapy is an ongoing and long term solution to your problems. These things cannot be worked out in one or two sessions, they will take time, but I feel we have started to make some progress today…walls have started to come down and I can see…just how committed to your homework some of you were.” He glanced nervously at Emmett who was whispering in Rosalie’s ear now, checking his watch occasionally, then Dr. Dover glanced over to Alice who was holding Jasper’s hand, her whole body shivering as she stared at her watch, trying to will the second hand to move faster.

“I think what I would like to do in future sessions is have the boys back in, there are a few things I would like to revisit with you in a group setting and the same with the girls. Of course I will have you come back as couples, especially Bella and Edward…we still have a lot more to cover with you since we were cut short.”

I heard Alice start counting down 59,58, 57… Poor Jasper was stuck in emotional hell. On one side, he had Alice whose excitement was overwhelming. On the other side, he had Emmett and Rosalie who were throwing off so much lust I could barely breathe. And Jasper stood, smack dab in the middle of the barrage, visibly trembling.

“I think some of you have made a great deal of progress, Bella you and Rosalie seem to have taken a positive step forward in your relationship.” Dr. Dover praised the two girls. Bella nodded her head enthusiastically while Rosalie mumbled “Yeah… sure…progress.” From the back of the room, completely engrossed in Emmett’s sweet talking.

42,41, 40…Alice chanted quietly.

“Carlisle you have an amazing family here. I can feel the love between everyone.” Edward snorted at that comment. We all could feel the love from Emmett and Rosalie right now, even though that’s not what the good doctor meant, it was true. Their lust was beating Alice’s excitement and Jasper was losing control of the situation.

34, 33, 32…

“Alice Cullen, it is not New Years Eve, stop counting.” I hissed to her. She stuck her tongue out at me. I then decided to try a different approach to speed up our escape.

“Doctor Dover, Ben, I never meant to keep you away from home this late, you’re wife must be furious. Things seem to be more under control than they were before. We can pick this up at a another time.” The children all looked hopefully toward the doctor waiting to be paroled, but no dice.

“Nonsense Carlisle. This is much more important that anything else I may have going on at home. And my wife is a very understanding woman.” He replied. But from the smirk on Edward’s face, I assume that was NOT what the doctor was thinking.

“You have a very complicated family situation, here Carlisle. With this many teenagers in the house at once, it would be complicated at best, but then when you throw in the fact that they are all in relationships with each other…”

23, 22, 21…

Edward, what are you laughing at? I asked in my head. His eyes darted to Alice and Jasper. How is Jasper holding up? He very subtly shook his head. Is she going to tear out of here when the clock hits 7:00? He nodded his head up and down. Do I even want to know what Emmett is planning? Again he shook his head no and shuddered slightly.

Dr. Dover kept talking “…the relationships complicate things to a whole new level. To be living with your significant other at their age is stressful. I think that may be this a major contributing factor to the problems at home. I have never dealt with a family dynamic like yours. I may need to call on some outside experts to get their perspective on things…” Blah, blah, blah

15, 14,13… Alice began inching toward the door. I had to stop her from making me look like a fool in front of Dr. Dover again, even though being shirtless around a colleague was a new personal low for me, I wanted to end this visit with some shred of dignity.

“Alice Cullen, if you leave this room before the doctor excuses us I will cancel your credit cards before your little butt hits the seat of the Porsche, am I clear young lady?” I hissed at vampire speed so the doctor wouldn’t be able to hear. Alice’s eyes got huge, and then narrowed to small slits as she glared at me. She folded her arms across her chest and huffed loudly.

“I still can’t shake the feeling that there is something, something big that I am missing…” The doctor mumbled as he flipped back through his pages of notes, looking for something he may have missed. We all exchanged amused looks and hoped he wouldn’t find what he was looking for.

“Well, that being said…”

Edward leaned over and whispered something to Bella that made her turn her head to Emmett and Rose with a look of horror and then she ducked her head so her hair completely covered her face.

Edward? What is he thinking… Edward raised an eyebrow at me. That bad? Esme looked at me nervously. I tried to give her a reassuring smile but she saw right through me. We both took a deep breath and focused our attention back on Dr. Dover.

“…I feel that if you continue therapy over the next few months I can teach you some strategies…”

3, 2, 1… 7:00 p.m.!!

“Give me your phone” Alice hissed to Jasper who quickly tossed it into her hand. She furiously dialed and I heard “ Neiman Marcus, how may I help you?” She pulled a large catalog out of her purse and began flipping pages and she slumped down, sitting against the wall.

“Yes, I need to make some purchases, I want them shipped overnight please.” Alice muttered into the phone “This is Alice Cullen.” I heard the woman on the phone squeal.

“Miss Cullen, we are so relieved to hear from you! We thought something terrible must have happened to you. Were you kidnapped? That’s the only thing we could come up with to explain why we hadn’t heard from you in almost, wow 30 hours!” My eavesdropping on Alice was interrupted by a loud crash behind me.

I looked to my left and saw Bella with the branches of a large potted tree on her head. Edward was cursing profusely. I followed the tree trunk to see that Emmett and Rosalie were now making out in the back of the office and in their fervor, they had knocked over the small shrub, causing it to land on poor Bella.

“Um…Emmett, Rosalie!” Esme said sharply causing the two to burst apart, looking extremely guilty.

Of all the days for her to wear red lipstick. I thought as I looked back over at Emmett who resembled some deranged clown with the smeared red lips on his face, caused by his wife’s deep red lipstick. She didn’t look much better.

“Um, well I guess since it is 7:00 you kids must have… things you want to go do…” Dr. Dover muttered, looking fearfully at Rosalie and Emmett who had big grins on their face. They looked to me for permission to leave and I muttered “Go!” They were out of the office in seconds. Alice cleared her throat to get my attention and squealed when I made my decision to let her leave too.

“Thanks dad!” she chimed and kissed me on the cheek as she and Jasper ran out the door. I looked to my left and saw Edward and Bella looking at me waiting to be excused.

Can you last a few more minutes…for me? Don’t leave your mother and I alone with him. I asked him in my head. He rolled his eyes and sank back grudgingly into his chair. Bella sighed and mimicked his actions. I looked at Esme who had a beautiful smile on her face however the death rays shooting out of her eyes told me she wanted to go home just as much as Edward and Bella.

“Edward why don’t you go take Bella home.” To our house “Esme and I will meet you there. And if you could check on the others, that would be helpful.” Please find Emmett before security is called! A huge smile sprang onto Bella’s face.

Edward helped her up from her chair and extended his hand to Dr. Dover. “Thank you for everything doctor. I’m sure we’ll see you soon.” Quit sucking up just because he called you ‘reasonable’ and get out of here before I change my mind Edward.

“Bye Dr. Dover.” Bella said quietly before coming over to hug Esme and I goodbye. “Thank you Carlisle.” Bella whispered in my ear as she hugged me tightly. She gave Esme a hug and a kiss and they ran out the door. I heard Edward say “Oh thank God that is over!” As he walked down the hallway, Bella giggled and must have kissed him because I heard her heart rate soar.

“Sorry doctor, but I think we both know they were all just a little preoccupied right now.” I laughed trying to make light of their hasty exits. Even Dr. Dover had to chuckle.

“You all love each other very much Carlisle, I can see that. Everything is going to be OK, they are good kids, all families fight. As long as they can resolve their issues like adults, things can and will improve. You made the right decision bringing them in to talk to someone.” Dr. Dover tried to reassure me.

“Thank you doctor. So where do we go from here?” Esme asked quickly.

“I’d really like to see them once a week for the first few months and then we can reevaluate their progress and see if we can cut that back a bit.”

Once a week? They are definitely not going to like this…

Esme leaped to her feet at his pause and held her hand out. “We will give you a call to schedule our next appointments. Thank you doctor.” She shook his hand quickly and said “Please give our apologies to your wife for interrupting your evening. Carlisle are you ready to go home?” Esme said in that ‘you don’t have a choice, so get off your butt’ voice of hers.

“Ben, thanks for everything.” I said as I shook his hand and headed to the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Carlisle.” He waved from his desk. Esme took my hand as we headed down the hall.

“Do you mind if we swing by my office, I may as well grab a few files and bring them home with me so I can get some work done.” I asked Esme.

My beautiful wife smiled and said “No problem. Now that we don’t have to babysit the children tonight, life can return to normal and perhaps we can even have a relaxing evening together.” She gave me a wink at the thought of all we could do to relax tonight.

As we rounded the corner, we ran into a very angry Edward leaning against the wall with Bella. This better be important Edward. I thought as we approached the couple.

“She stole my car.” He hissed.

“Who stole your car?” Esme asked. Alice? I thought. Edward nodded his head yes.

“Why would Alice steal the Volvo?” I asked. Bella thrust a crinkled up note into my hand. Esme leaned over as I flattened it out, and read it with me.

Edward-

I borrowed your car, I didn’t steal it, stop telling Carlisle that. It has a bigger trunk that the Porsche so I needed to take it. I didn’t hurt your car, Jasper taught me how to hot wire it. Isn’t that cool? Rose can fix any damage relax, it’s just a couple stupid wires. Stop pinching the bridge of your nose and don’t even think about doing that to my Porsche or I’ll take the Volvo to the junk yard and have my packages shipped home.

Your loving sister,

Alice

I did my best to not laugh at the note because I could just imagine Edward’s fury as he found his beloved car missing, and a note from Alice in it’s place.

“Yes Carlisle, it was hilarious.” Edward said sarcastically. Sorry Edward… I apologized in my head. He responded by rolling his eyes and asking for the spare set of keys to the Porsche. As I reached into my pocket to find the keys, my pager started beeping. I didn’t recognize the number but could tell by the extension it was coming from inside the hospital. “Sorry, everyone, this might be important.” I quickly dialed the number on my cell phone and waited.

“Hello?”

“This is Dr. Cullen I was paged.”

“Hi doctor Cullen, this is George with security. It looks like someone has broken into your office. Are you by any chance still in the hospital?”

“Yes, George, my wife and I are actually on our way down there now. We’ll be there in a second.” I snapped the phone shut and my mind raced. It had better not be what I think it is… I glanced at Edward who was doing his best not to burst into laughter at my thoughts, but he was failing miserably He buried his face into Bella’s shoulder and began shaking with laughter.

“Carlisle what is it?”Esme asked, her voice full of concern at the look of fury on my face.

“Apparently someone has broken into my office. We need to get down there now.” We exchanged a glance that told me she too had an idea who the perpetrators might be. Bella’s hand flew over her mouth and then she too joined Edward in hysterics.

“We’ll be back you two!” I said as we strode down the hallway.

“On no you don’t” Edward choked out “We aren’t going to miss this one! After the day we’ve had, you owe us this much Carlisle. ” I turned to see him dragging Bella by the hand after us.

We made a quick left at the visitors desk and then hopped in the elevator to reach the floor my office was on. As the elevator doors opened and I saw the big 4 on the wall in front of me, I paused and wondered just how bad it was going to be. Was the door just kicked in, the intruders having made off unnoticed, or I shuddered at the thought, Were the intruders caught in the act…Please God, let them have at least got away…

Esme took my hand as we took the first right and started down the long hallway. I could see two uniformed police officers in the hall, but I only picked up parts of the hushed conversation.

“Dr. Cullen…young guy…all the nurses are hot for him.” Great Esme will love that. I stole a peek and saw the wrinkle in her brow. Yep, she heard…this day just keeps getting better and better. When Edward stopped walking about two thirds of the way down the hall because he was doubled over in laughter, I knew they hadn’t escaped. My son and daughter were sitting in my office, awaiting my arrival. Please God, again I beg you, let them have clothes on…

Esme looked like she was as terrified as I was about what we might find. Clutching her hand, I approached the officers.

“George?” I asked. The taller officer with black hair came over and held out his hand.

“Dr. Cullen? Sorry to bother you, but well…something like this has never happened here and so we wanted to call you before we did anything further.” I closed my eyes and waited for him to say it. “We caught the intruders, but they asked us to call you. They said they know you.” I felt Esme give my hand a squeeze of encouragement as I opened my eyes. George was being a complete professional. His sidekick however, Andy, from what his name tag said, was grinning from ear to ear.

“Carlisle, please…” Esme said at vampire speed so the officers wouldn’t hear. “They are just children.”

“They are not children Esme, they are both 92 years old! They know better.” I hissed back.

I cleared my throat and addressed George. “Are they inside?” I asked in the most professional tone I could muster given the circumstances. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward had picked himself off the ground and was walking in this direction with a red faced Bella at his side.

The door to my office had obviously been kicked in, small fragments of wood were dangling off the door jamb. I pushed open the door and could see my coat rack, lying across the office floor and the contents from the top of my desk scattered across the floor like a tornado had ripped through the room. Esme gasped and covered her mouth as we went further into the room, only to find an annoyed Rosalie sitting in the armchair in nothing but her bra and panties and Emmett standing next to her, wearing my long white lab coat, a stethoscope and nothing else, except the goofy grin on his face.

Without a word, I walked over to the shelves behind my desk and picked up the beautifully framed picture of my family that Esme had taken just a few months ago. The eight of us were smiling out in the backyard, looking like the picture perfect family.

“Dr. Cullen?” George asked from the doorway. I looked at my children, then looked at the framed picture in my hand and laid it face down back up on the shelf. Grasping Esme’s hand in mine, I headed for the door and said “I’ve never seen them before in my life.” And walked out the door.

Esme hissed at vampire speed “And on your father’s desk…”

I heard Emmett screaming “Mom, Dad!!! We’re sorry…don’t leave us here…can I please put some pants on before you do that?”

Edward, you and Bella follow them to the station and bail them out at the last second. Tell the officers I was mistaken, the shock of seeing my children like that. Make them take the mug shots, so I can add them to my collection. Charlie will help…I’ll call him on the way home. Oh, and throw the lab coat and stethoscope away…I will not being wearing either of those ever again.

Esme and I rode home in complete silence. I still couldn’t believe they had done that. Actually, I could easily believe they had done that, I just couldn’t believe they were dumb enough to get caught.

“It could have been worse Carlisle.” Esme said quietly as we walked into the house. I sat down on the couch and pulled her next to me.

“Yes, you’re right. I suppose they could have been found in a compromising position in the fountain in the main lobby, that would have been worse, or on a gurney in the OR, that would have been worse, but on my desk…” I whined like a child.

“Don’t worry. I’ll order you a new one in the morning dear.” Esme said with a giggle. I gently kissed her head and enjoyed the silence of our home for a while. Our short lived peace was interrupted by the ringing phone.

“Hello?” I said quickly.

“Turn on the news.” Edward said quickly, and then hung up.

“Esme dear, can you flip on the television, that was Edward.” She reached over and found the remote control, the local news had interrupted regular broadcasting.

“Hello John, the scene down here is unlike anything I have ever witnessed before. I am standing outside the local mall at Port Angeles where recent lottery winner Alice Cullen is on an unbelievable shopping spree with her boyfriend Jasper Hale. We had a chance to talk with her briefly as they were exiting this designer dress shop with an armful of packages.”

“Miss Cullen, first congratulations on the lottery win. You must be ecstatic.”

“I am very happy.” Alice said sweetly.

“can you tell us how much you won exactly?”

“I’d like to keep the amount a secret if that’s OK with you Chris.”

“What prompted the spending spree this evening?”

“Chris this has been the longest day of my life so I decided to blow off a little steam and spend my winnings.” Alice chimed in her perfectly sweet voice.

“Are you going to spend all your winnings tonight?” The newsman asked incredulously.

“HA…you never know Chris, you never know…” she teased.

“Mr. Hale can you make a guess as to how much she has spent so far this evening?” the newscaster shoved the microphone in jasper’s face.

“Just under $150,000 dollars by my calculations.” Jasper guessed.

“Well I won’t keep you from your shopping any longer. Thanks for talking with us.”

“Bye Chris thanks! Hi Edward and Hi Bella, sorry about the Volvo…it does have great trunk space though! Rose and Emmett, you should have known better shame on you and Carlisle…no don’t do it! Please…” Alice screamed as Jasper pulled her off camera. I could still hear her begging when the newscaster signed off.

“This is Chris Peacock at the Port Angeles Mall for channel 10 news. Back to you John.”

Esme’s mouth was wide open in shock. The whole town would know of Alice’s lottery winnings by morning. Thankfully, by her school records, she had just turned 18 or we would have had to explain that too. I reached my hand out to the coffee table and picked up a cordless phone and dialed a phone number in Switzerland. As soon as I dialed the last number, my cell phone also started to chime.

“Wait one minute Esme…” I held my hand up so she wouldn’t answer the cell phone yet.

“Hello?” I heard a male voice in my ear.

“Arthur, this is Carlisle Cullen. Freeze all of our accounts immediately.” I nodded to my wife who answered the phone sweet as ever.

“Hello Alice. What can I do for you?” I heard Alice’s frantic screeching as Esme held the phone out to me snickering.

“OHMYGOSHYOUCANTDOTHATTOME…” I heard her scream.

“Alice dear, what is wrong?”

“Carlisle, you can’t freeze the accounts please, don’t do that.” Alice begged into the phone. “Jasper stop trying to calm me down!”

“Alice I’m sorry, but it has already been done. Don’ worry, you’ll be fine. Just use your LOTTERY WINNINGS to finish your little shopping trip.” I said sarcastically “Goodnight Alice.” After turning off the power I snapped the phone shut and threw it onto the table.

“Now where were we?”

Dr. Dover POV

1:00 am the clock read. I had been glancing at it every ten minutes for the last hour and a half. I heard a loud sigh next to me.

“Benjamin Dover, what is wrong., You have been tossing an turning for over an hour now. I’d like to get some sleep. Is there anything you want to talk about?” Eileen asked in frustration.

“I’m sorry dear, it’s just these patients…I have a lot on my mind. I think I’m going to go downstairs for a while so you can sleep.” I whispered as I kissed her gently on the forehead before climbing out of bed. I slipped my feet into a pair of slippers and headed down to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream.

The Cullen’s. What am I going to do with the Cullen’s? I asked myself over and over as I sat at the counter enjoying my chocolate fudge swirl. They are keeping something from me, I can feel it, but what?

They all had been so guarded at one point or another through our sessions. I felt like I was missing out on some big joke from all the sideways looks that passed between them. Sometimes I could tell they were telling me the complete and honest truth, like when Carlisle and Esme spoke of their children and Bella, they genuinely loved one another.

Other times, when they spoke I was reminded of the phrase “Things aren’t always what they seem…”. Who makes being a vegetarian a requirement for all of their family members? And why is their ‘way of life’ as they kept referring to it, so difficult for them? No one would die if they changed their minds, but to hear them talk about it, it sounded like being a vegetarian was a matter of life or death. Or at least they seemed to think so.

And all the issues between them. This could take years to resolve. I admitted to myself. Am I up for that? Can I break through their carefully constructed walls to find out their secrets and find out what they are hiding underneath that tough as granite exterior?

I would need to confer with some colleagues on this case. A sex therapist, a marriage counselor, someone specializing in abnormal psychology, an adolescent psychologist and I should probably look into finding them a vegetarian support group. I wonder if those even exist? I asked myself as I dumped the melted contents from my bowl into the sink. I rinsed my spoon and bowl, placed them into the dishwasher and tip toed back upstairs to bed where I heard Eileen gently snoring.

I’ll sleep on it tonight, and decide tomorrow.

Breaking up is Hard to Do!

Dr. Dover POV

My sleep that night had been anything but peaceful. My dreams were full of bits and pieces from the therapy sessions I had with the Cullens. It all started like this…

I was a union soldier in the Civil War, and as I was charging the hill my weapon at the ready, Jasper, dressed as a confederate soldier, appeared over the top of the hill, clutching a blushing Bella in his arms threatening to spill her blood.

I turned to my left to look for help, only to find my fellow Union solider Emmett, fondling a young woman against an apple tree. I turned to my right, screaming for help, and was startled when my call was answered by a shirtless Carlisle, armed and ready to save Bella.

Just before we charged Jasper, Edward arrived carrying a large basket of vegetables that he began handing out to each of the Cullens, one by one. Carlisle took a tomato, bit into it deeply, and sucked the juices from it. Some of which trickled down his chin and onto his bare chest.

Emmett and the young woman who I could now see was Rosalie, fed each other peas and green beans alluringly in the shade. Edward went on to hand Jasper a huge eggplant which he quickly devoured, and then another, before he finally released Bella.

Thrilled to be free, Bella crashed into Edward’s arms and sobbed tears of joy. He very gently held her, until her cries died down. When they pulled apart, Bella began to eye the remaining vegetables in Edward’s basket and then proceeded to hold out her hand.

“May I please have an artichoke.” Her voice was sweet and gentle as she took a step toward Edward, waiting for his response.

“You don’t want to do that Bella.” Edward snapped. I could see the stubbornness take over Bella’s delicate features.

“Yes, I do Edward, give me the damn artichoke. It is my decision not yours.” And she lunged for the the spiny leafed veggie.

“I will not allow you to hurt yourself this way. This is for your own good Bella, no vegetables for you! It will only end up hurting you in the end and I will not be responsible for you losing your life!” Edward screamed at her.

I couldn’t take it anymore, the arguing, the bickering, the endless nonsense about being a vegetarian…my head was spinning. Finally I stepped to the top of the hill and shouted at the top of my lungs. “People! They are just fucking vegetables!! She won’t die becoming a vegetarian …Get a grip!”

All of the Cullens turned in surprise, and then slowly started walking towards me, their fangs glistening in the sunlight… wait… FANGS????

“VAMPIRES!!” I screamed out in bed. I woke up from the dream in a cold sweat, my heart thundering in my chest.

My scream caused poor Eileen to topple from our bed and grab the golf club that she hides under the bed for emergencies screaming, “Where are they Ben? Let me at them!” I watched my poor wife swing the pitching wedge wildly into the darkness trying to defend us from the nonexistent vampires of my dreams.

When I heard her clock radio being smashed to bits I collected myself enough to say. “Eileen honey? Put down the club, it was just a dream… I’m sorry I scared you.”

“A dream? You screamed vampires in your sleep… you are a jackass…” She snarled as I heard the wedge fly across the room, ricochet off the closet door and land near my dresser. “A therapist having nightmares…maybe he should be in therapy…stupid patients of his…” she muttered under her breath as she climbed back into bed.

“Sorry dear.” I said as I laid back onto my pillow, turning to face her.

“I swear Ben, you are lucky that I love you or that pitching wedge would be tightly wrapped around your neck right now.” Eileen said as she giggled softly, kissing my cheek.

“I know.” I laughed as I tried to go back to a dreamless, Cullen free, night’s sleep. “Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”

CPOV

It had been three days since we had left Dr. Dover’s office. The night of the incident in my office, Edward brought Rosalie and Emmett home from the police station around 11:30 pm., waving their mug shots in his hand.

“Emmett closed his eyes again!” Edward laughed, as he brought the picture over for me to look at. I glanced at Rosalie’s, and as always, the picture looked like it could be on the cover of a magazine. “Rosalie insisted they wait until she fixed her hair to take it.” Edward rolled his eyes.

Bella walked up behind him, she was laughing as well. “My dad said he’s never seem anything like it…poor Emmett got thrown in the cell with the drifter they picked up on the side of the road, however Rosalie talked the guys into letting her sit in Charlie’s office! When he came in, she was sitting in his chair, with her feet up on his desk.” He doubled over in laughter. “His face was priceless…”

“I think I may file a complaint against the department.” Emmett yelled from the upstairs, “For sex discrimination. So what if I’m a guy? Just because I don’t have boobs I get stuck with Jimmy no name who smelled like an elephant’s butt. In the mean time, she got the one guy to run out and get her bagels…and she doesn’t even eat food!”

“I just wanted to see of he would really do it..” Rosalie giggled from her room.

I pulled a small album off the shelf of my office and added their pictures to the others. The time Edward and Emmett got arrested for public indecency for mooning Jasper at the park, Alice’s arrest for breaking and entering when the employees arrived at Bloomingdales, only to find Alice there, unpacking the new fall line by Gucci, Rosalie’s arrest for prostitution… that was a long story and Jaspers arrest for assault and battery when he lost a bet to Emmett and they got in a fight outside a sports bar. I smiled as I closed our ‘book of family shame’ and placed it safely up on the shelf.

Later that evening, with Rosalie and Emmett back from jail and our local “lottery winner” and her husband finally showed up, we had a family meeting to discuss Dr. Dover’s suggestion of us continuing with therapy on a weekly basis.

Emmett was all for continuing therapy, other than the homework, he quite enjoyed himself and I suspect he had a plan for all the trouble he could cause Edward and Bella in future sessions. “I like Bend Over, I think we should go back. I still have something I would like to discuss with him.” Emmett said as he winked in Edward’s direction. A coaster flew across the table, narrowly missing Emmett’s head.

“I will defer to my wife.” Jasper chose to say very little, awaiting Alice’s final decision as he filled the room with a calm sensation in an effort to let cooler heads prevail.

Alice wasn’t really listening, she was still inconsolable since the credit cards remained frozen. “I only said I won the lottery as a cover Carlisle, I explained that. I just went in there so fast and started buying things… they had never seen anything like it and I couldn’t stop…so when someone asked if I won the lottery or something, it sounded like a good story, so I just said yes. Who knew the local news would show up and put me on camera. It must have been a slow news night… Oh no! Did I look fat? They say the camera adds weight… and I ‘m so small, ten pounds on me is huge! I probably looked like Jabba the Hut!! I need to work out Carlisle, can I buy some workout clothes… please… anything…I need to shop, I’ll shop for the poor! Will that work?”

Rosalie’s reaction was the best. She walked over to her purse and pulled out her credit cards, checkbook and bank card and placed them in the middle of the table. She also laid a white piece of paper on the table which, upon further inspection, was a resume. She looked at me and said. “I will not go back no matter what the threat. I give up all rights to the family money and am prepared to get a job to support myself.” When she finished her little speech, she sat back in her chair and returned to filing her crimson fingernails.

Edward flatly said “No.” He didn’t give a single reason, he didn’t offer a compromise, he simply refused. From his body language, I could see he was getting ready to blow. Emmett I’m sure, was giving him a preview of all the great lies he thought he could tell about Edward, or even worse, Bella to make their sessions as uncomfortable as possible.

Bella of course, agreed to do whatever I thought best. How I hoped that she would stay this sweet when she became an indestructible vampire like the rest of them, but somehow, I highly doubted it. As a human she was unbelievably stubborn. When she was a vampire like Edward, the two together would be a force to be reckoned with in no time.

Finally, I looked over at my wife, my rock, and only ally in this whole, feeble attempt to fix our family. She listened as the children went around the table and voiced their opinions. She then dropped my hand from hers, as she stood up to speak.

“I appreciate everyone’s honesty, and your opinions really do matter, this is a family decision. I also want to thank you all for going to the therapy sessions, being truthful and giving it a chance. I know it meant a lot to Carlisle. Having said that, I want you to know that I have given Dr. Dover’s suggestion a great deal of thought and I have come to the conclusion that there is no way in hell we are going back there, ever again.”

And with that, the decision was made, the Cullens were done with therapy.

I spent the next three days dodging Dr. Dover at the hospital. Once, I did hear him call my name as I walked down the hall, so I had to dive into a nearby elevator to avoid talking to him, but other than that, the days passed without incident. I was certain any moment now, Stephenie was going to be calling us to schedule our next appointment, and I had to do something before then. At the end of the third day, I came home from work and went straight into my office, closing the door tightly behind me. Esme picked up on my odd mood, and joined me.

“Carlisle, what’s wrong dear?” She asked as she sat down with me on the couch in my office. She lifted up my hand and held it tightly in hers.

“It’s this thing with Dr. Dover. I just don’t know what to do. I know we aren’t going to go back to therapy, and believe me I agree one hundred percent, but how do I tell the guy? He’s new to the area, and agreed to do me a huge favor. I feel terrible, having asked him for help, and now he is willing to give us help, but we are refusing it. I just feel so guilty.”

“Carlisle, how many times have you had a patient that just didn’t click with you? OK, not that often, because most of them are smitten with you the moment they lay their eyes on you.” She growled unhappily. “But really, it happens, to most humans, where people’s personalities aren’t a good fit together, so they try someone else. Why can’t you just tell him we found a therapist more in tune with our particular ‘family issues’? A specialist perhaps?”

I smiled at my wife, realizing she was right. It was the best solution, to let Dr. Dover know we appreciated what he did for us but tell him we found a specialist to help us work on our issues. I knew what I was going to do, I gave Esme a passionate kiss to thank her for her brilliance and then got off the couch and went to my desk.

I picked up the phone and made two phone calls. The first one was to the hospital. I asked Louise, my secretary to clear my schedule for the next week, because we were leaving on vacation tomorrow. She wished us a safe trip and said she’d take care of everything.

The second phone call was to Charlie. I told him the abridged version of our therapy sessions leaving out the parts about his daughter only marrying Edward for the sex. I simply told him how much I appreciated him letting Bella be a part of it. I asked permission for Bella to join us on a little vacation next week to thank her for being such a good sport. Charlie was a bit shocked by my sudden request, but after some finessing, he agreed, his only stipulation was Bella had to take her homework and stay on top of her studies. I agreed completely and told him Edward would bring her by shortly to pack.

“We’re going on vacation are we?” Esme asked suspiciously. “Where are we going?”

“I have no idea, why don’t you go ask Alice for suggestions.” I could tell Esme was still unsure, but I assured her I would explain everything later. She got off the couch and went in search of Alice to find us a vacation destination full of overcast, cloudy days.

When the door shut behind her, I rummaged through the bottom drawer of my desk for a piece of paper. I took the pen from my shirt pocket and began writing.

Dear Dr. Dover,

First, I wanted to extend my heartfelt thanks to you for agreeing to see my family and I in therapy on such short notice last week. We found ourselves in a very difficult place as a family, with the constant fighting threatening to consume our lives, so knowing you were willing to help was a huge weight off of my shoulders.

Our sessions with you have been informative and very enlightening. My wife and I were pleasantly surprised at how well the children opened up to you with their feelings, and were more truthful than I ever expected them to be with someone they just met.

I think in the limited sessions you have had with my children, you can see we have a very unique family dynamic, one I say, you may never have seen before and may never see again. Having said that, we, as a family, find ourselves with an interesting set of issues that relate more directly to our lifestyle than anything else. I know to an outsider, being a vegetarian may sound like a strange cause of stress in a family, but for us, it is a conscious choice we have made and we feel very strongly about it, and unfortunately very few people understand our position.

I am happy to say that we have a family friend in Alaska who I think will be able to help the children deal with a number of their issues. They too are living a vegetarian lifestyle and know the struggles the children are facing. I can tell you they also have a great deal of experience in ‘marital relations’ and I think they are the perfect group of women to help Bella make it through until the wedding. With their years of experience with men, Bella will be able to learn a great deal from them. They are very skilled at what they do. I also feel strongly they could help Emmett and Rosalie control their urges a bit more and be more respectful of those around them.

Alice, is currently going through her own version of ‘shopping detox’ for a lack of a better term. I think once she gets through the withdrawal process, she will see things more clearly. She feels terrible about her behavior following our last session and I think she may be ready for real change. I will be monitoring her throughout and if I have any concerns for her mental state I will seek help. But for now, she is doing as well as can be expected. Jasper is being very supportive and helping us keep her as calm as possible. He has stopped manipulating the rest of the family and is now focusing on helping Alice.

For these reasons and many others, I feel that our therapy will be better handled by our friends in Alaska. The children would be more comfortable there, where the struggles we are facing will be truly understood. They have years and years of experience and are specialists in their respective fields.

I again want to express my thanks at your willingness to undertake an endeavor such as my family. I have to say, you fared much better than I expected, I thought for sure one of them would eat you alive, but they didn’t, which was quite impressive. I hope your secretary remains on her proposed medication schedule and I wish you a long a prosperous career here in Forks. I’m sure our paths will cross again.

Sincerely,

Carlisle and Esme Cullen

I read the letter over once more before neatly folding it and placing it into an envelope. I addressed it, put a stamp on it and walked it out to the mailbox immediately. By the time I came back into the house, everyone had gathered in the family room.

“We’re going on vacation?” Jasper asked with the same suspicious tone Esme used earlier.

“Yes. We will leave tomorrow evening. Bella, I already talked to Charlie and he has agreed that you can come with us, but you need to keep up with your schoolwork while we are away. Tomorrow, make sure you bring home whatever you will need and we’ll take it with us. Edward can help you study. “Bella jumped up and down at the thought of going on a trip with us, well mostly with Edward, but I think some small part of her enjoyed the idea of being with the rest of us too. Edward was smiling broadly as Bella hugged him.

You’re welcome Edward. I thought with a smirk. Edward slightly nodded his head in thanks.

“Where are we going?” Rosalie asked sharply, not wanting to go do anything that required her to do anything other than relax.

“Alice suggested it might be a good time to head up to Alaska for a few days.” Esme said glancing around at the children for their reactions. Emmett jumped to his feet, Jasper nodded his head in agreement, Rosalie even cracked a smile. Bella was the only one who looked like she was going to throw up.

“Bella, Tanya will like you relax. It will be fun trust me.” I watched Edward trying to reassure Bella about our destination. She listened to him whisper how much he loved her into her ear, blushed and then nodded her head in agreement.

“It’s settled then, tomorrow we leave for Alaska!” I said with authority.

“Carlisle?” Jasper called as I tried to leave the room “Why are we suddenly leaving for a week? And why are you so darn anxious?”

“We’re running away.” Edward laughed. Stupid mind reading son of mine, shut up!

“Why are we running? Edward, what is our dear old dad running from?” Emmett asked smirking.

“He keeps thinking ‘We are gettin’ out of Dodge, We’ve gotta get out of Dodge.” Edward was trying to catch his breath from all the laughter.

“Who are we hiding from now?” Bella screamed, of course panicking, afraid that some new immortal creature was coming to kill her. Her terror got Edward all worked up, which made Emmett laugh, causing Edward to get even more angry. Then Jasper, being bored of course, turned up the fury even more and a wrestling match broke out between Edward and Emmett.

When the lamp crashed to the floor, Alice flew over to the computer and began shopping on the Internet for a new one. She had one eye on the screen and one on the boys, waiting to see what else she could replace. She knew I would insist the boys pay for any damages themselves and therefore she’d get to shop for the first time in days. I’m sure she saw this coming but let it happen anyway… sneaky girl.

“Enough!” I said with force. The boys released one another and sat on the floor looking up apologetically at me.

“Sorry dad…” they mumbled together.

“We are leaving, in a hurry, because… I wrote Dr. Dover a letter firing him as our doctor and I … I feel bad OK? So I’d rather us get away for a few days and let this thing blow over a bit.” I said in a rush. Everyone stayed silent and then Emmett started snickering, Edward buried his face in his hands, Jasper began shaking with silent laughter, Rosalie snickered with her husband, while Bella giggled uncontrollably.

Alice finally sneered. “Afraid of a human are we Carlisle? If you give me my credit cards back I will protect you…”

“Edward, take Bella home to pack. Emmett and Rosalie, go make sure the cars are ready for the trip. Alice you have one hundred dollars to spend on a new lamp. For every penny you go over that budget, you will lose your credit cards for another week. Jasper start finding the suitcases, ladies there will be a three bag maximum for this trip.” Groans came from my loving daughters, but I wasn’t listening. I took Esme by the hand and we retired into our bedroom for the evening.

The next day, I was feeling a little down, not knowing if Dr. Dover got the letter or not. Hopefully he would take it well, it was a small town, and if he didn’t, there’d be gossip which never ends well. Trying to keep my mind off of things, I made sure Esme and I had everything we needed. We would be taking the majority of the luggage with us, Emmett and Rose would get the rest into the Jeep or in the luggage carrier on top. Edward would drive Bella, Jasper and Alice with him. Alice had won the game of Rocks paper scissors against Emmett to see who would get to ride with Bella and listen to her sleep talking.

When everyone returned home from school the boys finished packing the cars while the girls frantically stuffed one more ‘important’ item into the suitcases before they went out to the car. Bella and Alice were jumping up and down on the last suitcase trying to cram it to maximum capacity while Rosalie wrestled with the bursting zipper. Bella jumped a bit to high and landed with a thud next to the suitcase.

“Are we ready now ladies?” I asked trying not to laugh at poor Bella’s clumsiness. “Before Bella hurts herself…”

“We’re ready Carlisle.” Edward said as he hurried over to Bella to investigate what injuries she may have sustained in her little fall.

Esme walked in, carrying a pile of mail in her arms. She stopped mid way through the room and held up an envelope. “Carlisle?” She said as I walked to her side. I took the envelope in my hand, turned it over and read the return address:

69 Psycho Path

Forks, WA 98331

“Maybe you should wait until we get home Carlisle…” Esme said sweetly, always thinking of my feelings.

“No Esme, lets get this over with, that way it isn’t hanging over our heads the entire trip.” I swiftly ripped opened the envelope and removed a crisp, white sheet of paper. I glanced at it and let out a laugh. Grabbing the envelope, I examined the postmark to see when it was mailed, the date on it was 2 days ago.

“He mailed his first…” I laughed to myself. As my laughter filled the house, the children looked at me like I had sprouted another head.

Esme was the first to speak. “Carlisle, what is in that letter and why are you laughing?”

Edward who read my thoughts started laughing now too, annoying everyone else that he was in on the joke and they weren’t. Bella gave Edward an irritated look and he quickly stopped. Alice was grinning from ear to ear. She must have see this coming for days…

“He fired us.” I gasped between laughs.

“Who fired us from what?” Jasper asked chuckling from my giddiness.

“Dr. Dover fired us! From his practice…” Everyone except Edward and Alice looked completely confused.

“I don’t get it…” Emmett whispered to Rosalie who just shrugged and twirled her finger around her temple, implying I had gone crazy.

“Listen to this…”

Dear Dr. and Mrs. Cullen,

I would first like to thank you for having the faith in me to ask me to treat your family in therapy. I was truly honored that you would entrust your family’s care to me. You have a wonderful family, the love and connection between all of you, is undeniably strong. I have truly enjoyed the time I spent getting to know your family.

That having been said, I have thought for quite sometime about how I should proceed from here. I know we discussed the possibility of having weekly sessions together. Upon further review, I think that may not be the wisest decision for either of us.

Your family, while doing their best to be open and honest, I still feel there was something big they were holding back. I cannot effectively treat them, if they will not be completely honest with me. Your family seems to be very guarded with everything they think and say. The only truly spontaneous thing I felt was said in all the sessions was when Jasper claimed to be a vampire. The mood in the room changed immediately and for a second and I was worried he thought it was true…but when I realized it was a playful comment, I appreciated his lighthearted candor.

I also must say, that while I am not a vegetarian, I do have friends that are practicing Vegetarians and none of them seem to struggle the way your family does with the concept. Perhaps it is time for a lifestyle change. I would challenge you to try other diets, such as a vegan, macrobiotic, fruitatarian, or even carnivorous. Try them, and see if perhaps one of them may be better suited for you all. If seems to me, if it is so hard to be a vegetarian, then perhaps you should change to a more natural lifestyle for your family.

I did as much research as I could to get information on Vegetarian support groups or issues within the vegetarian community. The health and vitamin deficiency concerns are mentioned, but no where could I find mental anguish, physical pain, or even aggression linked to vegetarianism like your children are experiencing.

With that being the core of so many of your problems, I think it would be better for you to find another doctor who would be better suited to meet your unique needs. I am under trained in this area and I do not feel it would be in your best interest to be treated by me. I could recommend a sex therapist who I believe could help a number of your children with their issues. His name is Dr. Seymour Bush, and he comes highly recommended, with 15 years experience in his field. I also would recommend an addiction specialist for Alice to help her with her shopping addiction, she has quite a long road ahead of her.

Finally, again, I would like to thank you again for the opportunity to treat your family. I can assure you that anything we discussed will be kept in the strictest of confidence and I must also let you know that should any problems arise in the next 30 days, please feel free to contact me if you have not found a new doctor by then to treat your family.

Best Regards,

Dr. Benjamin Dover

The laughter in the room was deafening by the time I got done. Alice was squealing that she wanted to be a ‘fruitatarian’ instead of vegetarian. Emmett and Edward stopped breathing and were on their knees after I read the name of the sex therapist. Jasper was quite proud his vampire confession made the letter while Rosalie was furious she was snubbed. Bella breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn’t mentioned at all.

“Do you feel better dear?” Esme said with a gentle pat on my back.

“I do, he fired us first… I feel free of any guilt I may have been carrying. Boys, I do need some help before we go.” I watched my sons do their best to settle down, but they were too far over the edge, I looked to my daughters who always were better at this kind of thing anyway.

“Alice and Rose, I need your help.” I waved the girls over and gave them their instructions. Once their job was completed we would be able to leave for Alaska, and take a well deserved vacation.

RPOV

Alice and I quickly changed our clothes, the sun was setting and whenever we did one of these missions, we liked to dress the part. We dressed in basic T shirts and jeans, with baseball hats on our heads, obscuring the view of our faces.

As we stepped out of the hospital elevator, I checked left and Alice checked to the right. The only people in the halls were two nurses who were on their way out for the evening. It was dinner time, and most people would be leaving, making our job much easier.

Alice hissed “Janitor” and nodded toward the end of the hall. Sure enough, a 45 year old janitor with graying hair turned the corner and stopped in his tracks when he saw us.

“Give me a second.” I hissed as I swaggered in his direction, using the sway of my hips to get his attention. Alice leaned casually against the wall by the office door, pulled out her cell and pretended to send a text message.

“Hi there…” I said in a sultry voice. His eyebrows shot up, not expecting me to use that tone with him.

“Hey..” he mumbled as he nervously shuffled his feet.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I whispered, looking over my shoulder for effect. His eyes were huge as he nodded his head yes. I leaned closer to him and he leaned closer to me, tilting his head to the side, exposing his neck to me.

With blinding speed I did it, I gave him a hard karate chop to the neck, knocking him out cold. He fell head first into the large trashcan he had been pushing down the hall.

“Rosalie Hale! What the heck did you do to him?” Alice shrieked quietly in the hallway as she ran over.

“I knocked him out…”

“Why didn’t you just flirt with him and send him off to some broom closet to wait? Why did you do that? Oh my, is he drooling on his shirt? Yuck” Alice said as she glanced in on the poor guy and made a face. I grabbed one of the extra trash bags and laid it over him in the can.

“I was going to send him to his car to wait for me, but that was boring, I wanted to give this a try… It was pretty fun.” I said with a smirk. Alice however, was unamused.

“We have a job to do Rose, let’s move…” We headed over to the back door to Dr. Dover’s office. We listened carefully and we could hear two heartbeats, but they were no where near the door. It sounded like Dr. Dover was in the conference room, so Alice and I silently snuck in the back door to the office. We crept down the small hallway to his inner office door and slipped inside,

We split up and began rummaging through the drawers looking for our charts. We found them in seconds and tucked them into the black messenger bag Alice had brought with her. “Carlisle said no traces…” I whispered, as I continued looking through his desk for any extra notes he may have jotted down.

Alice found a drawer of taped sessions and was flipping through them. “He didn’t record us did he? He has to tell us he’s doing that right?” she mumbled more to herself than to me. Then I heard her squeal “Oh my gosh, you will never guess who comes to see the dear Dr. Dover!” Alice looked like she may burst.

“It’s not our business Alice, Carlisle would kill us if he knew…” I looked over at her as she dangled the tape between two of her fingers. I looked at the name on it and nearly burst out laughing. “Quick, find everything, we’ll make copies on his printer… this is great!”

We thoroughly gathered up all traces of the Cullen visits to Dr. Dover, there would be no record of us ever having a session. We also made highly illegal copies of medical records and took a few tapes from recorded sessions, vowing to return the tapes when we returned to town while burning the scanned pages of the chart. Still unnoticed, we scurried out of the office, and heard the janitor starting to come around in the trash can. We found the nearest stairwell and flew to the bottom, making our escape out a side door of the hospital.

“We’re back!” I called as we waked into the house. I held the files marked Cullen out to him. I assumed he was going to put them in his office, but he surprised me when he handed them to Esme. He must have seen the confusion on my face because he shrugged his shoulders and said with a laugh “It’s a long ride, it should make for good reading material. I’d like to see what the nice doctor had to say about all of us.”

Edward, don’t go to the car yet, let Carlisle and Esme go first. Alice and I found something good.

Edward got a mischievous smile on his face for a second and said “Carlisle, why don’t you and Esme get going, Bella needs to use the bathroom before we go. We’ll be right behind you.”

“I do?” Bella asked, but when she saw the look I gave her she turned on her heel and scampered off to the potty like a good little girl.

Carlisle eyed us suspiciously, “Don’t be long… Esme dear, shall we?” He held out his arm to her, and still holding our file in her hand, she slipped her arm in his, and headed out the door. We waited until we heard the car pull out of the driveway until Alice said anything.

“Before we show you this, we all need to be sworn to secrecy… understand? Carlisle would have our heads if he knew what we took from Dr. Dover’s office. Deal?” I watched everyone nod their heads in agreement, Bella came back just in time to join in the vow. I slowly pulled two tapes from the pocket of my jeans.

“What are those?” Emmett asked as he snatched one out of my hand. Jasper grabbed the other and examined it as well.

At the same time they both shouted “MIKE NEWTON?”

Edward dove at Alice and yanked the chart from her hand, flipping through the pages. Some made him laugh and others made him livid. Bella watched his face utterly confused.

“Bella, don’t you get it? Mike is a patient of Dr. Dover’s! These are his files and taped sessions… Emmett and I get the tapes first, you guys can have the chart, then we’ll switch.” I said as I headed for the door, Emmett was right behind me with both tapes in his hand, anxious to get into the Jeep and give them a listen.

As I waited for Emmett to unlock the door for me I saw Edward with his nose in the chart walking over to the Volvo. He stopped dead in his tracks. “Newton is a bed wetter!!!!” His head flew back and he roared with laughter. Alice, Jasper and Bella were still giggling as they got into the car.

I hopped in the passenger seat of the Jeep, and threw the tape into the tape deck. Emmett started the Jeep and when the roar of the starting engine died down, we heard Mike’s slimy voice fill the car.

“You see doctor, there is this girl… and I think… I love her… but I’ve only talked to her once. Today was her first day at school. Is that strange to be in love already? I can tell she feels the same way too, I see it in her eyes. Anyway, her name is Isabella but she likes me to call her Bella…”

THE END